Another month down and I don’t really know where this month has gone if I’m honest! As I type this I’m looking back at my calendar pages of what I did last month and some of the things feel like a lifetime ago.
I got to spend time with friends who are near and far geographically which was amazing to spend time with people who love & accept me for who I am, this might sound like a strange thing to say but there have been occasions when I’ve spent time with people & walked away not feeling that great about myself, I now choose who I spend my time with wiseley, I guess that comes with maturity & wisdom.
I felt I was on an emotional rollercoaster for most of the month, feeling things deeply and having to carry on with everyday life despite feeling a bit lost and emotional, over the years I’ve developed a talent for hiding how I’m feeling by putting on a metaphorical mask when I’m in public and cracking on with the task at hand, as I’ve said before I keep myself busy so I don’t have to deal with some of the emotions I feel.
There were a few things playing on my mind in September, some big decisions to make and only I could make them, friends were there to listen to my thoughts but like a lot of things I was the one who had to make the final decision, this often weighed heavy on my shoulders as I question whether I am doing the right thing or not, I second guessed myself a far bit.
Despite now working a few days a week at the uni, I do spend a lot of time on my own, sometimes this is by choice, sometimes it’s not and that’s hard to deal with and again I question everything about who I am, I know I’m really hard on myself most if not all of the time! I just never feel like I live up to expectations.
I made decision about my conference which was tough especially later the same day I made the announcement an opportunity I was offered was taken away from me without notice/warning & it totally floored me, this resulted in lots of tears and wondering what I do to deserve things like this happening to me! But like every other time I’ve been knocked down by something I pick myself up and go again, not a lot keeps me down for long, I may be battered & bruised but you just have to keep going…
Exercising has been hit and miss as well this month, my knee is still causing me issues which means I can’t train at the intensity I would like causing more tears and frustrations, I know this is only a phase and that soon enough it will be better (fingers crossed) as time is ticking on and the marathon training needs to start…
This last month I’ve come to realise that it’s ok to be broken at times and like the above says I think I need to learn to surf & ride them.
Lincolnshiregirl 
You are just going through a slump – remember that form is temporary but class is permanent. It might be a sporting cliche, but that doesn’t make it inaccurate. You will overcome.