I found September really hard on both a physical and emotional level.
I knew going into the month would be a busy one, with uni inductions for new students and back into the grind of lecturing, I love doing all of this so was also quite excited to see the students again.
Having lectured up until the middle of July and not finishing marking until late August (I know I said last month I did all my marking before my annual leave, which I did, I just didn’t get around to actually writing it up and putting it on the systems we use for assessments), I felt completely on the back foot going into the new academic year as well as knowing I had added responsibilities with my operational lead role.
The days were just non-stop, from the moment I stepped onto campus to the minute I left it was full on and go go go! Eventually, this took its toll on me and for most of the weekends in September I simply pulled up the drawbridge and just sat and stared at my four walls, I was completely over-stimulated, talked out and couldn’t face any human interactions.
Sometimes I find it so hard to balance my energy to ensure that I have enough to give to different areas of my life. I give my all to my work/business as I think deep down inside me there is a lot of fear about not being good enough/being found out/imposter syndrome so I’m constantly trying to prove otherwise. I know that this isn’t healthy or sustainable but I just can’t seem to shake off these feelings no matter what others say about me or how many therapy sessions I attend.
In doing so, other areas of my life get skipped as I simply am mentally/physically exhausted and this was the case in September, shutting myself away helps but then I feel guilty for shutting friends out or getting so caught up in my own head that I don’t notice that they need my support.
As September came to an end, things eased up a little and I was able to breathe (metaphorically) a little more.
I know that I need to find a way to balance areas of my life, not sure how but I know that I will find a way somehow…
Lincolnshiregirl 