Sunday 29th May 2022

Today has been a very different day from what I normally do on a Sunday. For the first time in what feels like forever I’ve not done any work, I’ve probably spent less than 15 minutes at my desk!

As usual, at the moment I was woken up early by Sophiecat and gave in around 4.15am and got up and fed her, then went back to bed! She eventually woke me again at about 7.55am! I got up, made myself a coffee and watch a quiz show that I recorded last night.

I sat and chilled for a good few hours and eventually I got up and had a shower.

Just as I was drying off, my friend knocked on my door as they were walking past my house with their daughter and wondered if I fancied joining them for a walk, which was just what I needed to get out of the house, we wandered around our estate and ended up at the play park as their daughter wanted to go on the swings and of course, I joined in! I don’t think I’ve been on swings for over a decade so it was just such, that I forgot the amazing it is to just swing!

We went back to their house and I helped their daughter do some maths and English to allow my friend to do some house chores.

I came home for a few hours and sat and read the paper. I am now back at my friends to help them with some academic work they are currently doing in return they cooked tea, and I brought wine too!! A lovely chilled evening chatting through stuff!

Saturday 28th May 2022

One benefit to being woken up at stupid O’Clock by Sophiecat is that you get a lot more done in the day!! I was at my desk by 5.30am this morning finishing off my uni marking and was done by about 7.30am!

I headed out to do my Saturday food shop, I’ve not done a proper food shop for weeks as just couldn’t be arsed so this was really needed as the fridge was empty.

Once home I pottered about a bit waiting for my friend to arrive to do the garden, they are a fountain of knowledge when it comes to plants so told me that lots of the things growing in the garden aren’t weeds but lots of wildflowers, this makes total sense as years ago I sprinkled the whole garden with wildflower seeds but nothing seemed to grow but now that we’ve cleared some beds the wildflowers are flourishing, we also planted some other plants that my friend had grown from seed for me so excited to see what flowers over the coming weeks.

After some lunch we drove to a local nature park to have a walk with their dog, about 1/2 mile before I got to the car park, the engine warning light came on in the car and said that there had been a malfunction, exactly the same thing that happened 2 weeks ago, thankfully when I restarted the car after the walk it was ok until I was about 3 miles from home when it came on again, so, for now, I’m housebound and means that I won’t be able to go swimming tomorrow which I’m pissed off about!

The rest of the day has been about cooking some tea (chilli con Carne) and relaxing on the sofa, I feel shattered at the moment so it’s bedtime soon and for the first time in a very long time I don’t have any client work to do tomorrow so will use it to try to catch up on a few other things or might even just rest!

Friday 27th May 2022

Yay for the weekend, this week has felt like a long one that has dragged by! I decided to write this now earlier in the evening before I move from my desk to the sofa to enjoy my evening. I have just finished working, a bit late for a Friday I know but I wanted to finish a couple of things before the weekend. I’ve just grabbed myself a glass of wine and some peanuts to have while I type.

I’m having one of those days where I feel like I’ve not really woken up all day and that I could simply close my eyes and I would be asleep, perhaps it’s my body telling me that I’m tired and I need to rest more!!

Anyway, I’ve now got my desktop PC back from my IT support company with a new stick of RAM in it (whatever that means)!! And it’s all working perfectly – phew!!

I still have a bit of marking to do for the uni but not back on campus until 6th June, so I am going to use my time next week to work on other projects that have been sitting quietly in the background. I had thought about going away for a night or two for a short break but didn’t really commit to this and therefore have got meetings booked in for the working days next week. Here in the UK, we have got a short week next week as it’s the Queen’s jubilee and we have an extra Bank Holiday so Thursday and Friday will be quieter days for me! I might take myself off somewhere for a nice walk and lunch on one of the days for some thinking time.

This weekend I have a friend coming over to help me with the garden tomorrow and then I’m swimming on Sunday and helping a friend who has recently signed up for a course and would like some academic support – get me!! If I told my younger self that I would be working as an academic in a university in my forties I wouldn’t have believed her, I still can’t believe it myself some days now when imposter syndrome is rearing it’s head!

Feel in a reflective mood at the moment so am going to write down some of the stuff that’s going on in my head to try to get it out of my head and not drive me crazy.

Yesterday was my 300th post, can’t believe I have stuck with it for nearly a year! I am not sure what I will do when the 365 days are over, it will be interesting to look back to see if I have actually made some progress with areas of my life that I wanted to when I set out for this transformation, probably more of a subtle shift rather than transformation but hey progress is progress!

Thursday 26th May 2022

Today has been a bit of a non-day! I’ve simply just been working! Unusually it was a uni day as we had planned to take the students on a trip today but because very few of them showed up on Tuesday we decided to postpone today’s trip to the new academic year in September.

A day of marking instead for me which was challenging and enjoyable in equal measures, I love reading the student’s work but, at times my dyslexic brain struggles to understand what they are trying to say so I sometimes I have to read their work 2 or 3 times until understanding it. I didn’t mark as many as I would have liked so that’s a job for tomorrow!

The one exciting thing to happen is that I managed to secure my venue for an event I’m running later this year so now the hard work starts in planning it all so that it happens as I want it to.

Got home in pretty good time, made some food AKA heated some food I had in the fridge up and have sat on the sofa all evening! It was utter bliss, I’m not one for doing this very often as I just get bored but a new series of Silent Witness (For non-British readers, Slient Witness is a long-running drama programme revolving around a pathology unit), it’s one of my favourite programmes as I love science but also has the drama and suspense to keep me gripped for the full 2 x 1hr episodes – not many programmes can do this!

Still, no gym this week as my knee is getting better but I’m not risking going back until it’s fully better as well as understanding what is causing me to pull the muscle so that I can avoid doing it again in the future.

Wednesday 25th May 2022

A bit of a bitty day today, I feel a little lost at sea at the moment with a few things and doesn’t help that my main PC is broken so working with my laptop connected to one of my screens. I’m grateful that I have the kit to allow me to still work but not the same set-up so is making work a little more time-consuming.

I had a bit of work to-do today but I just couldn’t focus on it! I got what I needed to get done but it took far longer than it should have done. I had booked in to go swimming at the lake this afternoon and that just didn’t happen not just because of my slow arse working but also got stuff in traffic between appointments & I knew that my head just won’t be in the right place to do it.

I had lunch with a friend and work colleague who is retiring next week which was lovely and kind of made me reflect more on my own life and the way I’ve been feeling recently.

I know that I need to do something to shake off these feelings once and for all as I know that I go through a cycle of feelings about certain things every 3-4 months, yet I do nothing about them and then wonder why they come back again!

I’ve got some time off next week from the uni so am planning on using this to do some thinking and as we’ve got 2 bank holidays next week too I might take myself off somewhere for the day, away from technology & really get stuff out of my head.

Tuesday 24th May 2022

Today can just do one!! I’m tired as Sophiecat is not getting the memo about early mornings and I’m just not sleeping well as my knee hurts when I move so wakes me up. Also, I can’t seem to regulate my body temperature at the moment so can’t decide if I want my quilt, just a sheet & a blank or all of it.

Today was a day at the uni and I’d organised for them to go to a business event, it’s taken quite a lot of planning and organising and just 2 students out of 15 turned up & it has just broken me!

I’m so disappointed that they didn’t show & didn’t even have the decency to email to give an excuse for their lack of attendance. I’m sure even at their age I wouldn’t have been so rude or inconsiderate!

Anyway, I’ve ranted to anyone who will listen today as I feel that my hard work is wasted & that’s heartbreaking as I put my heart and soul into everything I do.

Am hoping that after a night’s sleep I’ll have a little more perspective about it.

Monday 23rd May 2022

Another day, another dollar as they say! There is still no gym as resting my knee for another week until it’s less painful!

Sophiecat was an early wake up again but managed to go back to sleep once I had fed her!

Today was a uni day and as all lectures for me have finished it’s a mass of marking and admin and preparing for the next academic year, the machine never stops!

A couple of my colleagues were also in the office today which was lovely to have company and catch up in person rather than over MS teams.

However, my mind goblins are really noisy at the moment so this is entirely energy consuming to keep them at bay and to focus on the world around me, when I’m in one of these mind fuddles, I tend to go inwards & shy away from everybody and everything! In fact, I feel like I just want to run away, I won’t of course and I know that it will pass and I just have to endure it while it does its thing!! Just tough holding it together at times, but I will put on a brave face when I’m out and about this week because life goes on. Normally I would exercise as this does help but I can’t really do this with my knee playing up so I think this isn’t helping either!

Sunday 22nd May 2022

Today I woke up in a bit of a downer mood! Probably didn’t help that Sophiecat woke me up at 3.47am this morning, thankfully managed to go back to sleep for a bit after she got bored of meowing!!

When I did get up, I came straight to my desk to do a bit of work before my swim to find that it had restarted overnight due to the blue screen of death!! This has happened multiple times over the last few days, not sure what the problem is and have emailed my IT support people to help me!! This didn’t make my mood any better knowing that I had a full day of work to complete today seeing as I did very little yesterday!

Anyway, I decided to forget about it for a couple of hours while I went for a swim, my friend came with me today which was lovely to have company & a great way to have a catch up too!! I wasn’t really feeling it but knew I just needed to be in the water for a bit, I did 600m breast stroke.

As my knee is not really getting better, I kind of ruled out that event I had entered in July as I can’t run at the moment and I wouldn’t want to do it without training properly so I’ve lost motivation to swim a bit and just going to enjoy being in the water rather than anything else.

Once I refuelled after the swim, I decide to give in with the PC and linked my laptop up to one of my screens and then plugged a mouse and keyboard and did my work that way for the rest of the day. I managed to tick most things off my to-do list which is quite surprising seeing how I was feeling but it’s a nice distraction from my mind gremlins I guess.

A really early bedtime today as I want to make sure I’m fully prepared for another week in paradise (AKA Life) as well as read my book before I fall asleep.

Saturday 21st May 2022

Tired hit me like a tonne of bricks today, I had planned to do some work today but I just couldn’t seem to focus for any period of time!

I feel shattered, the lack of sleep from my knee hurting during the night, hot and humid nights and the early Sophiecat wake ups have taken their toll on me.

No gym today as still giving my knee a rest!

I met a friend in our local city for a walk and lunch which was lovely, she’s one of my closet friends and I feel so lucky that we can have honest conversations about life & know that she’s got my back whatever.

Came home and like I said the plan was to do some work but I just gave up after about an hour as I just found myself staring at the screen.

I chilled on the sofa watching something on the tellybox and promptly fell asleep for a bit! Once I woke up I peeled myself off the sofa to cook some food for tea and since then I’ve been counting down the minutes until bedtime!

So, simply good night, sleep tight!

Friday 20th May 2022

I have found today quite challenging! Firstly, I was worried about Sophiecat as in the last couple of days she’s not really eaten much and seemed to be very slow & quiet in her movement and it scares me that our time together is going to end soon, even just typing those words brings we to tears as I just can’t imagine a day without her.

I’m still in pain with my knee, the pain has reduced somewhat and then I forget that it’s damaged and get up and walk somewhere and bam the pain is back.

I’m toying with a head/heart decision as well so this is consuming me today will see if I can do some meditation this weekend to see if I can get some insight into which path I should take.

In better news, I got my car back today – cleaned, serviced and working as it should so hopefully I can get through another 6 months without a visit to the garage!

A chilled evening with some wine & Crisps, probably drank a little more wine than I intended as it was just going down so well but already I can feel a hangover coming on, my bed is calling me.

This weekend will be wall to wall work as I have got about 3 days worth of work that needs doing in 2 days minus a lunch with a friend and a lake swim!! I’ll report back if I manage it!!