Tuesday 10th May 2022

The impact of the news from yesterday has been banging around in my head all day, not just about the situation at the university but also the news about the lady with terminal cancer.

It’s making me realise that I need to “live” a little more, for years I’ve simply just got on doing what I need to do to survive without really giving myself much slack to enjoy life.

I love what I do as a business and as a lecturer at university so don’t really see either as work but then there comes a time when I’m asked how’s my weekend been and the standard answer I’ve given for years is mainly work, housework and now gardening & I just think gosh I really must start doing more things other than the usual.

However, I know it will be challenging to change my mindset as for a very long time working all hours that god sends has been my only option to be able to survive financially as I don’t have any fallback or plan B but now as I am able to sure myself up financially I know I need to start questioning some of my beliefs around money & wealth and push the needle a little to ensure that I grow & break down the outdated belief systems I’ve got that now don’t serve me well.

Lots to think about that’s for sure!!

Monday 9th May 2022

Today started well, I got up with plenty of time to prep all my bits and pieces for the gym and the uni. Another workout in the bag, I had to modify it slightly due to my injury but still felt like I got a good workout.

Headed straight to the uni, where I showered and was at my desk by 8am and even managed to remember all my food for the day so had a lovely chocolate apple smoothie bowl for breakfast with hot coffee too!

The day has ended on a sadder note as we had a staff mtg at the uni today and some changes have been anounced which will impact me & my team and then a lady I’ve been following on Instagram who has terminal cancer has just written a post to say that she is going into pallative care and all treatment has been stopped, she was basically saying goodbye to her followers.

It just makes you realise how precious life is and it can turn on a dime! Thinking of all my friends and family tonight & thank my blessings that I’m surrounded by love & support.

Sunday 8th May 2022

Today has been a great day! I got my usual Sophiecat alarm call at 4.50am, put her off until after 5am and then got up and fed her and went back to bed until 8am.

I went to the gym and did my own workout (I used to always go to the gym before swimming on a Sunday) but got out of the habit over the winter as found I was getting too cold and then I got my injury.

After the workout, I headed to the lake and a friend had messaged me last night asking if I was going as she wanted to come with me after seeing my pictures on social media. It was lovely to have company and she actually encouraged me to do a big loop! At the lake you can do a small loop (200m) or the big loop (800m). I have swam the big loop before I just get a mental block about it and usually just do multiples of the small loop.

But I’m glad I did do the big loop as now I’ll do it again when I’m on my own, I finished off with a small loop of front crawl. It’s just 2 months until I do my duathlon so need to get some more swim training in.

Got home and set about making a roast dinner and before I knew it, it was gone 4pm, not really sure where the day has gone.

Went for a walk around my neighbourhood with my friend for about an hour, came back & got my stuff all ready for tomorrow as it’s a gym straight to uni day so need to be on it in the morning. And now it’s bedtime and another weekend has gone by!!

Saturday 7th May 2022

Yay, I made it to intervals this morning, I was a little nervous about going as usually this session is either done in pairs or in three’s and as my fitness isn’t where I want it to be as well as coming back from injury I always feel like I’m going to let my fellow teammates down!! It can get really competitive but thankfully I was with two other people who were really kind to me & encouraged me throughout.

Quick drive home to get showered as I was going for breakfast with a friend at a local farmshop & cafe which was absolutely delicious, having had a workout I went for the full English breakfast with local bacon, sausage and black pudding, eggs, baked beans & mushrooms, toast & coffee!! We chatted non-stop for a few hours, then had a wander around the shops on the site.

I then did my food shop and by the time I got home, it was gone 2pm! I was planning on doing some housework this afternoon but I ended up doing very little, a few loads of dishes and that’s it! I do feel a bit guilty for wasting the day but hey ho, not a lot I can do now. And sometimes I know I need to have a bit of a break, will just need doing another day that’s all!

Off to bed now & hoping Sophiecat won’t wake me at 5am, well if she does I can get up and do the housework I guess…

Friday 6th may 2022

Today has been a bit of a quiet day, I got up at the usual time thanks to Sophiecat but worked well as I wanted to do a couple of hours work before I headed to the uni for lecturing.

We’re coming to the end of semester now and the cohort I had today handed in their assignment yesterday so today they played with lego!! It’s been really lovely teaching these students and seeing them develop & grow. They are graduating this summer so this was the last session I had with them & probably won’t see them again until graduation.

This afternoon I did some admin but finished early to take back some hours I’ve done over my allotted hours the last few weeks.

Once home, I did a little more work & then sat in front of the telly with Sophiecat, had a lovely glass of wine & some crisps and chilled – watched a film and reflected on the week gone & how my mindset has shifted slightly over the past few days about just living in the moment & forgetting about what will come, just allowing it to happen as it happens! I going to live more in the moment & celebrate the glorious life I’ve got rather than trying to keep striving for something in the future and missing the magical moments everyday.

Thursday 5th May 2022

After my late bedtime last night, I slept fitfully and today I feel like I’m hungover, I’m not as I didn’t drink any alcohol yesterday but I think the lack of sleep is taking its toll.

Thankfully it was working at home day so I was able to sit in my comfy clothes & work.

I met up with a friend for a catch up which was really nice & swung by my IT support company so they could sort out my laptop that I manage to break last week & am very grateful that they were able to fix it in the time I had the catch up with my friend.

After that I headed to the lake for a swim, in all honesty, I could have easily skipped it and come straight home but knew that if I just did a little bit I would feel better for doing it. Well, I did more than a little bit I ended up swimming 5 x 200m laps without a break, one of these laps was all front crawl without stopping, which probably doesn’t sound like a big achievement but it is as I’ve only been doing front crawl again the past few weeks as over winter I’ve been doing breaststroke and slowly building up the time I was doing front crawl. The water was around 15°C so still fairly cold when you first get in but once you get moving it was glorious, I didn’t really want to get out.

An easy tea when I got home and now I’m here and it’s bedtime again…The days are just whizzing by.

Wednesday 4th May 2022

Made it back to the gym again today! Felt good, had to scale some of the movements but I’m ok with that as I still felt like I got a great workout.

Having given up on the challenge, I’m tempted to stop doing this blog too as does feel a little like a chore some days but then I’m quite stubborn too and feel like I’ve nearly made it through the whole year so be still to stop now & feel like I’m making some massive breakthroughs which might not have been possible without this blog & my daily musings.

Today has been a great day, after the gym, I had a meeting with a company who have been doing some research for my business as some funded support so had a brief catch up to make sure they are on the right track.

Came home to do some nutrition work and get my IT sorted, which has been going on for about a week or so as have been moving all my files from Dropbox to Onedrive & I have some many files it’s taken ages as well as having pretty slow broadband & taken up all the bandwidth coming into the house, consequently all my other devices have been struggling to get online.

This evening I went out for dinner with a friend for a catch and ended up going back to theirs for a drink and watching a bit of telly and now it’s gone 11pm, the latest I’ve been up for months. I’ve cancelled my intervals place in the morning as think my knee will be sore from my exercise today as well as the late night! I’ll need the sleep, just hope Sophiecat gets the message not to wake me up at 5am…

Tuesday 3rd May 2022

Today has been a little strange, since deciding to quit my challenge last night I kind of felt a bit lost today as I wasn’t spending most of it working out when I was going to fit everything in.

I was the uni today, no lecturing so just desk work which was good in a way as I had loads of things to do and keep me busy.

On the way home I popped to the supermarket to get a few things & picked up some crisps and wine to eat tonight because I felt like it! I only had a small packet of crisps & a mini bottle of wine but I have to say both were utterly delicious and when they were finished I didn’t want any more!

Half of me is wishing I had carried on the challenge as it gave me structure & purpose but the other half is say – just do your thing & everything will fall into place as it should, stop tying to force it!!

I know I’m guilty of trying to force things when I want something so badly and usually I don’t get it, often it just falls in my lap when I’m not trying yet I seem to have a very short memory when this happens so try and force things.

So here’s to letting things flow…

Monday 2nd May 2022

Today here in the UK is a Bank Holiday so had a pretty quiet day! Slept in after feeding Sophiecat at 5am.

Got up and came straight to my desk to start working or at least doing some admin, today felt like a Sunday so nice to crack on with some work without the constant email notifications & the phone buzzing, I tidied my office which feels good, I do need to spend time sorting stuff out though as all the cupboards & storage boxes are crammed full but that’s a job for another weekend.

While I was working I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been feeling the past couple of days and have decided to stop doing my challenge – I’ve realised that I put all these conditions on myself that just make my life more pressurised that it needs to be.

I do know that I need to get back into a routine when it comes to exercise but everything else on that sheet I generally do most days. I have a really good relationship with both food and alcohol so why do I need to deny myself things that I like to eat and drink.

I never drink to excess and don’t use it as a crutch or self-medicate with it so why give it up if I can take it or leave it?!? Same with food, 95% of the time my food is on point, so why not have a piece of cake if I fancy it!

I think what I need to do is just be more mindful about making choices & do the right thing by me at the time & not think anything more about it!

I don’t have any points to prove to anyone other than myself and I don’t need to do that either if I’m honest. I just need to be kind to myself and live each day as it comes and do what makes me happy!!

Sunday 1st May 2022

Today’s been a better day than yesterday although I have found it hard to settle doing anything for more than an hour or so.

I didn’t manage the gym this morning but did make it to the lake for a swim which was good and got complimented on my front crawl technique & given some pointers on how to improve so will be trying these out on Thursday when I next go for a swim.

I’ve had a fairly quiet day really, did start to do a bit of work but couldn’t focus so watched a film instead – Pixar’s Turning Red! I watched a couple of months back when it was first released but felt like I wanted to watch it again to really enjoy it and today was a perfect day as I didn’t need to really think to watch it.

For most of the day, I’ve had my phone on DO NOT DISTURB as I wanted some timeout and will probably stay that way for tomorrow too! I know I need to find a way to live without doing this as feel it’s probably not very healthy.

Off to bed now as I feel like doing more reading than I normally do in the hope that tomorrow is an even better day than today.