Wednesday 2nd February 2022

Another day and another workout, this time I made it to the 6.30am session. A friend had messaged me last night to see if I was coming and was determined to go despite being kept awake by the windy weather.

Today has been a lovely day, busy but lovely. After my workout this morning I had a zoom call with a friend who also happens to be a marketeer and is helping me with the business. I did a bit of nutrition work and then had a very long lunch with a friend who I have not seen this year yet! We had a lovely lunch and catch up.

Home again I did a bit more work and then went to another friend’s house for tea. So a bit of a social butterfly today and I’m talked out.

I often feel that when I catch up with friends that I talk at them for the time we are together as living on my own I don’t get that chance to offload my brain on a daily basis so when I get the opportunity to talk to someone who’s happy to listen I get it all out my system.

Both of these friends came into my life by chance and both are people I trust implicitly and feel so lucky that I have friends who accept me unconditionally and give me love and support when I need it the most.

Tuesday 1st February 2022

Yay, I managed to quieten down the mind goblins this morning and did a workout at home, I was pissed off with myself yesterday that I let them talk me out of a gym session and this morning I wasn’t going to allow it to happen. I only did a short 20 minute workout and then did a 400m run around the block, doesn’t sound much I know but it was a massive hurdle for me to just get started again.

And in all honesty, I loved it, I’d forgotten how nice it is to exercise at home, so much more convenient. The set-up I have is somewhat limited but over the last two years when I’ve been in the exercise zone I’ve made it work and it was ace so time to make it work again on the days where the mind goblins are too noisy, in fact, the set-up I have now is better as over the last few months my gym has been upgrading some of their equipment and they sell off the old stuff at knock-down prices! So along with my adjustable dumbbells & some ankle weights, I have a 16kg kettlebell and a sandbag with 4 x 10kg sandbags within it so I can adjust the weight if I need to and of course I have my bodyweight that actually is a very effective piece of kit!

I’ve been on a bit of a high for the rest of the day really because of it and a good reminder of why I loved exercise so much in the past and know that slowly but surely I will love it again, just need to take it steady, day by day.

Not much else to say really, went to the doctors and the nurse took some blood for testing so will wait to see if they come back normal or not! I asked for a copy of my blood results, it’s something everyone can ask for but often medical practices don’t seem that forthcoming in letting you have them. When asking the nurse I said that I was a nutritionist and liked to see the results for myself and they said that when I put the request in to say I’m a nutritionist as the doctor has to sign off the release. It does make me a little mad and sad that they make it hard for people to access their own data like this as I believe if more people understood how their body worked, what is optimum health and how that looks in terms of blood results then they might be in a better position to make the right decisions about their own health. God bless the NHS, we are so lucky to have it here in the UK but sometimes I do feel that people advocate responsibility for their own health because we have a health service that will pick up the pieces when our health fails be that through our own lifestyle choices or otherwise!! I’ll step off my soapbox now before I get into a major rant!!

Monday 31st January 2022

Last night I was all ready to get up this morning and head to the gym, I prepped everything so that it would be an easy morning gathering bits and heading to the gym.

Woke up this morning feeling rubbish, slept really badly due to storm Corrie and felt physically sick from the lack of sleep so binned off the session and went back to bed.

Then felt guilty for not pushing through it as that extra hour in bed I didn’t really sleep just argued with myself as to why I so quickly wimped out of going to session this morning especially after feeling so much more motivated yesterday after the swim.

Anyway, had to put it behind today as I was back at the uni and it was the start of a new semester and wanted to start it off with lots of energy and positivity, didn’t really go to plan as when I arrived at our office we could get in due to the door lock running out of battery and then we having to present the first bit of the session on the fly with none of my usual materials or notes as they were all in the office.

Thankfully, once I sent the students off on a break I was able to collect my usual teaching materials and normality returned for the rest of the day.

After not going to the gym this morning, I said to myself I would do the workout tonight instead, however, I have a headache and feel like lying in a darkened room for a bit which is probably what I’ll do after writing this blog post.

I’ve already told myself that I’ll do it in the morning, so I’ll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a level of tiredness that I just put down to modern-day life but recently it get to the point where I can’t really function so am hoping my doctors will have some answers for me when I get my bloods back in a week or so.

Once I know what’s going on, if anything, I will apply my knowledge of nutrition and wellbeing to attempt to address it naturally before taking medication if I can.

Monday 30th January 2022

Today marks exactly 6 calendar months until I turn 45 and time to step it up with changing my life!

The main areas I was focusing on when I started this blog:

  • Health
  • Fitness
  • House
  • Love
  • Garden
  • Finances
  • Mindset – limiting beliefs

Health and fitness – in all honesty, this has gone backwards especially over the last few months with my lack of motivation to exercise so time to dig deep into my inner strength & resilience and make it happen.

House – out of the 5 main rooms in the house that I need to sort & clear out, I’ve done 1 of them! So another area that I need to get a wiggle on with, I’ve asked one of my friends to help me with the kitchen as it feels like a task too big for me to tackle & to bring some fresh eyes into the room. Although I’ve only done one room I do feel like I’ve made more progress than it would seem as I’ve done some little DIY jobs and am generally throwing stuff out every week as and when I find it and it doesn’t bring me joy!

Love – this is on hold at the moment, I was on match.com in November and chatted to a few men but found it hard as I feel I’m just not in a place where I feel comfortable being on the app and don’t think I have the energy to give it what it needs.

Garden – made some progress in August but not done much since, as we head into spring I am to start doing a little each week. The friend who did the energy healing last weekend is a gardener and has offered to help me make plans for the garden in an energy exchange if I cook her some food and give her some advice about food and nutrition to help with her running.

Finances – These are improving! I bank with Monzo and have set up a number of automatic payments to transfer money from my current account into saving pots on a regular basis and by the time I turn 45 I would have finished paying off 2 debts that I’ve had for a number of years so that will feel great when I make the last payments! My mindset about money is changing too, money no longer frightens me and I feel like I deserve to be paid my worth and celebrate being financially sound – my long-term aim is to be completely debt-free by the time I hit 50!

Mindset – getting over my limiting beliefs, this one is the hardest of the lot as it’s changing habits and thought patterns that I’ve had for over 4 decades in some cases so I know will take all my will and might to overcome them! However, I know that if I do all of what I set out above I know that I will have made great progress here too! This is also a less obvious change as I think subtle changes happen over time so all I can say on this one is watch this space!

Today has been a really chilled day, I made myself go swimming at the lake! It was bloody freezing to put it politely, my language wasn’t as I was getting in. They said it was 4.2°C! This is the coldest water I’ve ever swam in and did it in just my swimsuit, managed about 10 minutes, felt amazing afterwards and had lit up my soul to start exercising again.

The rest of the day I did another long meditation and then a couple of hours in the kitchen cooking food for the week!

The next 6 months are going to be busy but I can’t wait to see how much I can achieve…BRING IT ON!!

Saturday 29th January 2022

This is my 183rd post on this blog, which marks the halfway point of this transformation, not that much transformation has been happening of late!!

Perhaps that’s why I’ve not been feeling great these last few days.

Another day of not going to the gym and this is the last weekend this happens as I’m determined that I will get back into my “normal” routine.

I turned off my alarms this morning and Sophiecat woke me up just before 7am which I was very grateful that it wasn’t the usual 5am wake-up up call!

Made myself a coffee and put a sink load of dishes into the soak while I drank my coffee and got ready for the day. Did the dishes and headed to the shop to do my weekly food shop, the last few weeks I’ve let my food slip too, not unhealthy as such just not as planned as I usually am.

Got back home, put the food away and had some brunch.

Did more washing up, put a load of washing on, stripped the bed, vacuumed the house, washed the floors, made the bed and then I felt able to come into the reading room and do a meditation.

I’ve not meditated for months, during the first lockdowns of 2020 I started to meditate daily and really enjoyed it, not long meditations – usually about 15-20 minutes but found it helped calm my forever busy mind, then somehow I just stopped and not really found the motivation to do it again.

However, today I knew I wanted to do a long session, I usually use guided meditations and that’s exactly what I did today, it was 42 minutes and felt amazing after I was finished.

Now I’m still sitting under the fur blanket writing this blog post not wanting to move from my cosy spot but know I have to cook myself some tea tonight and I’ve got a small bottle of white wine chilling to celebrate blogging daily for 6 months!

I’ll do a proper reflection of how far I’ve got in these 6 months tomorrow but know now that these coming 6 months will need to be super-charged to make up for lost ground!!

Friday 28th January 2022

Still no motivation to exercise and it is starting to get me down a little, small steps I know to get back into it so to be kind to myself and let it happen when it happens.

However, interestingly enough, since I had that energy session with my friend last Sunday, I’ve been less aware of my knee pain so think some things have definitely shifted during the session.

Today I was at the uni and in the office on my own, I don’t mind this at all as I stick on my headphone and play music really loud, I don’t really listen to the music but somehow it helps me to stay focused on the work.

It’s coming up to a year since I started doing lecturing at the uni, can’t believe how quickly the time goes and although we’ve still got a whole semester to teach, thoughts have already turned to the summer and planning for the next academic year. A never-ending cycle.

Like I mentioned before I’m going to have a quiet weekend to see if I find out what’s going on in my head at the moment, my phone will be on do-not-distub rather than off so that I can still access Insight Timer (the app I use to meditate) and Spotify to listen to music but will avoid any social media or interaction as I just want to be with my thoughts and nothing else.

Thursday 27th January 2022

Another day without the motivation to exercise! I really need to find a strategy to overcome this as I’m starting to not feel great which is a sign that I need to shake things up a bit.

I bit the bullet today and made contact with my local doctors’ surgery about the tiredness, I got a call back from one of the doctors and they suggested I go in and get some bloods done just to rule anything serious out, my appointment is booked in for next week so hopefully should get some answers pretty soon.

I’m not anti medical intervention, however, where possible I like to use natural/complementary health care as believe when something is wrong with our health, our body is out of balance and to sort it out we need to look at where there are imbalances in the body and then support the body to re-balance itself rather than just taking medication to treat the symptoms.

I have a few ideas about what might be going wrong with me but would like the diagnostic testing I can get done via the doctors to give me a clearer idea of the actual picture as well as hearing their thoughts about how to move forward.

In the meantime, I’m going to be taking a step back and looking at my lifestyle & habits and work out what needs to change, this weekend I’m planning to have an “emotional clear-out” of some stuff that’s been in my head recently to attempt to shift my thinking around my weight/body image and exercise! Basically self-love and truly embracing it.

Wednesday 26th January 2022

Managed to get nearly 9 hours sleep last night, well that’s what my Fitbit says anyway and defined it as good sleep too whatever that means!!

Have swapped my days around this week so it was a uni day today as I had volunteered to man the website for the online openday at the uni and a few other meetings, including my 2nd probationary meeting which went well with some good feedback and some areas of development too.

The sadness I was feeling has carried over into today, managed to put it to the back of my mind while I was on campus as I’m kept busy with work and meetings but as soon as I started to head for home it came back, really not sure where it’s come from as feel like everything is going ok in my life! Yes things could be going better – like the exercise/being active! Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m just a few days off being half way through this transformation yet don’t feel like I’m making any progress at all!

I have asked my friend to come over and help me do some clearing and sorting of cupboards as that’s even ground to a halt since the new year and I don’t want to lose the momentumn that I had at the end of 2021.

Life/living day to day just seems to take up so much of my time and brain power right now that thinking beyond that just feels insurmountable, I need to get a grip of it as I really want to see big changes in my life in the next 6 months.

Tuesday 25th January 2022

Today has been a bit of a strange day, I know I went to bed a little later than usual after visiting a friend’s last night, I got woken up by Sophiecat around 5.15am, went and fed her and came back to bed, the next time I woke up was 9.30am, I can’t remember the last time I slept until that time. I know I clearly need the sleep!

Thankfully it was a business day so didn’t have any appointments in my diary until later in the day so could have a slower start to try to wake up a little and get my head into the game.

I planned to do some nutrition work for one of my clients so I have been able to do that while juggling emails for the uni, not something I usually do when it’s not a uni day, however, at the moment I’m sorting placements out for our students so need to keep an email on emails from the businesses who are hosting the students.

And that’s about it, still have no motivation to do any form of exercise which makes me so sad!! Might do some meditation tonight to see if I can find the answers as to why I am feeling like this and what’s causing the loss of motivation.

One reason for writing today’s post at this time is I’m going to have another early night to see if I can get over this tiredness.

Monday 24th January 2022

Woke up in a bit of a daze this morning not sure what day it was, I had not to go to the gym as still felt tired from the leftovers of the hangover but must have slept deeply to not realise what day it was.

Perhaps the energy work my friend did also had an impact on my sleep too as my body settles down after the energy shifts!!

Like most Mondays now, it was a day at the uni and for the most part it went pretty quickly as I’ve got plenty to do this week to prepare for the new semester starting next week!

At lunch, I walked into town to meet up with a friend for a bite to eat, they are an old work colleague who I’ve kept in touch with over the years and we can go years without speaking and then speak loads so it was lovely to have lunch and catch up properly.

The afternoon went in a flash and before I knew it, it was time to come home, I wasn’t home for long as planned to go to a friends and cook them tea and have a catch-up! That might sound a bit backwards to go to someone’s house and cook tea, however, they wanted me to show them how to cook something and the easiest way I can do it is for me to do it and them to watch and take notes so they kind of write the recipe instructions in their own words. I’ve done this before with other friends and it works well as it means they use language they understand and can replicate the recipe when I’m not there.

It’s hard to explain the immense joy I get from sharing my knowledge and really need to find a way to do this more, am exploring this at the moment and get over myself to make time to do it…