Tuesday 4th January 2022 (Written 05.01.2022)

Last night I was feel smug as fuck that I was really organised for today, I’d got all my food ready as it’s a uni day and was going straight from the gym to uni, got all my clothes ready as well and had this niggling feeling as I got into bed that I’d forgotten something, so I ran through in my head all my to-dos and decided I was just being silly so read my book and went to sleep.

Driving to the gym about 6.10am, I suddenly went FUUCCKKK I forgot to do this blog post Facepalm!! So am doing it this morning before I forget again…

Yesterday was a full on day, first day back to work proper for 2022 and I was delivering a couple of talks on food and wellbeing at a school for the central support teams, thankfully I have done talks like this before so the prep didn’t take to long as I pulled together slides from other presentations, the only stressful bit was half way through printing out some handouts my printer ran out of black ink, which I didn’t notice as I was getting ready in another room. Luckily I ended up having just enough before the ink ran out! Yay for Amazon prime to get me more ink ASAP.

The talks went really well, this is a part of my business I love as it gives me an opportunity to share my knowledge and help others improve their health and wellbeing through making informed choices.

I put my heart and soul into delivery of talks and workshop so subsequently I’m not much use afterwards as low on energy, yesterday didn’t matter too much as I didn’t have too much to do afterwards so could chill for a bit.

I managed a 10 minute run yesterday morning too, first time I’ve put on my running shoes and gone for a run in probably 9 months, the main motivation for this is that one of my sisters bought me a 100 day scratch off workout challenge, each day you do a specific workout on the poster and when you’ve completed it you scratch the square off! Felt good to be in the fresh air but darn it was hard, I didn’t managed to run for a solid 10 minutes which seems crazy that only a few years ago when I was training for a marathon I could run for 2-3 hours without stopping!! I managed 4 minutes, 3 minutes and 3 minutes running with 1 minute walk in between. It’s a little soul destroying but got to remind myself that it will soon come back if I put the work in consistently.

Monday 3rd January 2022

A bit of a shock to the system this morning with the alarm going off before 6am to get me up for the gym at 6.30am. It felt good to be back moving my body, I’ve not done anything for over 2 weeks, fingers crossed I don’t ache too much tomorrow.

Got back home around 8am and totally forgot it was a Bank Holiday today here in the UK so kept trying to do life admin and getting answer machines messages and auto-replies.

Finished all the work I needed to get done for my clients before tomorrow so am pleased that I start new work year up to date although I’m still behind with the business development work I needed to do, I know that I need to stop procrastinating this work as it’s what is going to help me make a difference in my business – something to explore why I do this!

The rest of the day I’ve been playing with some new kit I bought and it got delivered today.

Am both excited and terrified to get started making some videos and flatlays as I find it quite hard to learn a new skill and often get bored easily if it doesn’t work as I want it to, again something to explore in my brain exploration!

Feels a bit weird to be physically tired rather than mentally tired tonight, something I’ve not felt for quite a while. However, it does feel good to feel more rested mentally and glad that the last two weeks I’ve taken it easy and not forced myself to do too much so that I can rest. Having your own business it can be hard to switch off from it, however, I’m learning the less I stress about it, more work comes in.

Sunday 2nd January 2022

First time in a couple of weeks that I was woken by my alarm this morning, my aim was to get up, have a workout and then go cold water swimming at the lake.

However, I got up and really wasn’t feeling like doing either, not a great start to 2022 but I’ve learnt a long time ago not to force myself to do anything that doesn’t feel right in the belly, this is especially a wise move for the cold water swimming as it’s quite dangerous to do. There will be times when I will force myself to do a workout but this few and far between.

So like the past couple of days I’ve just chilled around the house, done some reading and made more plans for 2022. One thing I did yesterday was to put a post on my Instagram feed with my word of the year and tell people about what I’m planning with that account! I’m excited to share my knowledge and love of food and health with others.

My new year starts tomorrow, it makes sense to start on a Monday! No excuses, just time to put the hard work in and change my life for the better!! Bring it on…

Saturday 1st January 2022

As of today, there are 30 weeks until I turn 45! So time to ramp up activities for this 365 transformation! Well to start tomorrow anyway…

Today, I’ve had a glorious day just pottering around the house, spending time thinking and planning for the future. I didn’t get up that early, had a shower and some breakfast, then spent most of the day in my reading room under my fur blanket, I would still be there now writing this, however, my laptop had only 6% battery left so had to decamp to the office to write this post. This is now my favourite room in the house and feel that I will spend many more hours in there over the coming days and weeks.

I had a delicious meal at lunchtime with a glass of red wine, most of the food was leftover from my Christmas meal which made it all the tastier as there was little or no prep to do as I simply needed to heat food up and as I made it all myself I knew exactly what I was eating. In fact, I’m still quite full now.

Am writing this a little earlier than normal as I know the rest of the evening will be uneventful as well as wanting to get into the routine of not writing these posts in bed as I tend to then spend some time afterwards online which I want to stop! I’m quite disciplined about not having my phone in the bedroom but recently it’s been replaced with the laptop as needed to write these posts, so starting from today, I aim to forge a new habit of writing them earlier in the evening, then I can then have a tech-free (well apart from my kindle) evening routine.

I’ve already turned on all my alarms on my watch back on and looking forward to getting my teeth into my goals and ambitions this coming year.

Friday 31st December 2021

Another night of disturbed sleep as arm still aching, Sophiecat woke me up around 6am and I decided to get up and watch a bit of Tellybox instead of doing back to sleep.

Today’s plan was to do some client work for Firecracker, I made a start on it but it was slow going.

I always find today bittersweet for some reason, I guess it’s been torn between looking at and looking forward, I decided that around lunchtime I would put my phone on Do Not Disturb until Sunday 2nd Jan as felt like I just needed some time out from the world.

I sent some of my closest friends messages to wish them well for the coming year and that I was digital detoxing for 36hrs! Not that anyone would really notice or worry but I’ve learnt that it’s best to tell a few people just so they know and if they need to get hold of me they would have to physically come to my house as my landline phone has finally died, not bad for a phone that cost me £20 over a decade ago, I will get a new one eventually, the only person who really rings me on it is my mum so we’ll just have to use Skype for now.

One thing I do every new year is rather than resolution I have a word of the year, this word I endeavour to live by for the coming year, this word usually comes to me in the run up to Christmas, this year the word has been EMBRACE, if I’m honest I’ve not sure I’ve lived by this word as much as I could but I have embraced new things into my life.

This year I’ve made many words roll around in my head over the last few weeks, but nothing really was sticking until today when I realised that I needed to EMBRACE my AUTHENTIC self and release myself of the shackles I create in my mind to hold me down – so my word for 2022 is AUTHENTICITY.

2022 – Bring it on!!

Thursday 30th December 2021

Had a pretty slow start today as sleep really badly as I tend to sleep on my left side which is the arm I had the booster in yesterday and it was quite achy and sore the lie on so my sleep was disturbed and think I got up twice to go for a wee!! Fed Sophiecat around 6.15am and then came back to sleep and when I eventually woke up again it was gone 9am!

The sadness I felt yesterday was still with me today so had a gentle morning with coffee and watching a bit of telly!

After lunch (well brunch really as had some porridge) I felt my mood lift a little so did a bit more clearing out – yesterday when the engineer came I thought I’d have to take my TV cupboard apart so he could get to the power cables so this meant me taking all of my DVDs and Wii stuff out of the cupboard – The cupboard was full to bursting so decided that I would sort through all the DVDs and only keep the ones I know I will watch again and give away/sell the rest. I’ve offered the Wii to a friend who has a young daughter who likes to dance and I’ve got at least 8 dancing games!

I then carried on sorting the bedroom, this time the wardrobe and bedside cabinets, my sage smudging sticks also arrived today so once the bedroom had been cleared I lit the sage and smudged the room with the smoke. It feels so good to be clearing out clutter, I’ve got a car full of clothes & shoes to give to charity and quite a few bags of rubbish too.

After all that I decided it was time to do some reflection so sat in my reading room and wrote in my journal, I also did a 30-minute guided mediation, I’ve not meditated for months and this is something I want to get back into in the new year.

Wednesday 29th December 2021

A real mixed bag of a day, I was up and ready by around 8.30am as needed to do a few things before a television engineer came to sort out my television, he rang just after 9am to ask if he could come earlier than the scheduled timeslot of 12-5pm as he was in the area, I agreed as it made sense. Although I did warn him that he needed to be done by 10.45am as I had my booster vaccination booked in for 11am at my local doctors’ surgery.

I was in and out of the surgery in less than 10 minutes which was fabulous as I’d heard at other places there is a 45 minute wait. By the time I got home, my arms was a bit achy but seem to settle down after an hour or so.

I hadn’t planned to do much today as wasn’t sure how I’d be affected by the jab and also the scheduled engineer visit. But have felt rather down and lonely today, can’t explain why or can think of a reason, what I have learnt over the last few years is to just lean into my feelings and they will pass, so I snuggled under a blanket and watched a Disney film.

Late afternoon I decided I would pop out to get a faux fur blanket/throw to finish off the reading room and give me something comfy and warm to sit under when I meditate as I tend to get a little chilly. I also bought myself a hot water bottle which I’ve been thinking about getting for a few months to help warm me up when I go cold water swimming and as I plan to get back in the water this coming Sunday it felt the right time to get one.

I’ve spent the evening, watching the TV, I’ve put my phone on do not disturb as find this helps to calm my mind and don’t feel the need to keep checking it either.

I write this with tears in my eyes and hope that I sleep soundly and tomorrow is a cheerier day.

Tuesday 28th December 2021

Feels so good at the moment to wake up naturally without an alarm, well as naturally as I can with an old cat but she is nicer than an alarm clock even if she is more persistent and louder!!

After feeding Sophiecat around 6.15am I came back to bed and she woke me up again about an hour later or so, I struggled to wake up for a good 20 minutes.

Today was all about my business and I made a start on some of the work my mentor/coach has set me over the festive break, although I do find this work hard so was constantly distracted by other things!

Eventually, I gave up and decided to hang the new fairy lights I had bought for the guest room AKA my reading room

I rarely have guests to stay but, wanted to keep a bed in the room just in case, but have tried to make it a space where I can sit and read, meditate or journal etc.

This room is my 3rd bedroom and used to be my office until I switched it with the larger 2nd bedroom, I spent nearly 9 years of my life in this room, it’s at the front of the house so gets the early morning sunshine and has cosy feel about it. However, I can go weeks if not months not going into this room apart from turning on the radio each morning.

So this year I decided that I was going to make it into a reading room, I moved all the books I had in the house into this room and made the bed into a space that was soft, warm and cosy for me to sit for hours and read or meditate, as you can see Sophiecat enjoys this room too. Just before Christmas, I bought the fairy lights as wanted some soft lighting rather harshness of the main lights.

I also invested in a bed desk/table which would allow me to write or use my laptop in there too. I am planning on buying a faux fur blanket to keep me warm too.

In Jan I will have been in my house 14 years, over the last couple of years I’ve fallen out of love with the house but as I start to clear it and do the DIY needed I aim to fall back in love with it again. I have to as I don’t have any option to move somewhere else so need to make the best of what I’ve got and I know that I am very lucky to have the house I have so time to enjoy it and bring it back to life.

Monday 27th December 2021

Today was the start of decluttering my house, I feel like my house is full of stagnant/old/negative energies and feel it’s time to clear these energies.

On the 3rd Jan, I will have lived in my house 14 years and over that time as we all do I’ve accumulated stuff and this stuff now feels like it’s weighing me down.

The room I tackled today was my bedroom, A few days ago I had already taken some clothes out my wardrobe that I no longer wear or simple don’t like any more and put them in bags to take to the clothes bank.

I started with my make-up and jewellery – I have a lot of costume jewellery which I love but had totally forgotten about so am looking forward to wearing it again. I also found a necklace that I had lost a few years back which made me smile.

I did throw quite a lot in the bin, mainly stuff that I’d bought for fancy dress and was really cheap and I know that I’d never wear it again, lots of bracelets where the elastic had perished so beads went everywhere, I had planned to keep the beards and use them for something else but in the end, I knew I had to be ruthless and get rid of them.

Lots of makeup went in the bin too, old stuff that again was useless or colours I would no longer wear.

I bagged up loads of T.shirts and clothes from my chest of drawers, threw out any socks that had holes in them and old knickers that were threadbare!

As I was doing this I opened the window and also burnt some sage incense to again help to clear the old energy out of the room.

I went through my handbags too and donated a few of them, the task for the next clearing day is to go through my wardrobe properly and clear out my shoes.

It felt good to be taking action on something that I’ve probably sat on for months, I know this is going to sound obvious but I’ve come to the realisation that if I want my life to change I need to change and put in the work so that’s what I’m doing from now on!

Sunday 26th December 2021

Here in the UK today is Boxing Day – a bank holiday (as Christmas day and today have fallen on the weekend) we have 2 more bank holidays tomorrow and Tuesday.

I slept really badly last night again, probably due to the wine I drank yesterday, although I did drink less than I did on Christmas eve! It was a worse night that the one before as I woke up about 2am, went to the toilet and then I tossed and turned for nearly an hour before I could get back to sleep and Sophiecat eventually woke me at 6am. Over the last few days I’ve been feeding her and then going back to sleep but today I decided to stay awake, got myself some coffee and came back to bed to read for a bit.

Today, I have been feeling decidedly sad/down/low! Think it has mainly to do with the alcohol I’ve consumed over the past couple of days, I know in the past that I have noticed that I get the booze blues when I drink more than my normal glass here and there and today it was really noticeable, think it’s also to do with this time of year, the build-up to Christmas is so intense these days that I find it all a bit overwhelming despite me shunning most of what others do.

Thinking about alcohol – I am really tempted to give it up completely for a while, there are a couple of events coming up where I might have a few drinks but other than that I think it’s going to be a dry year for me. Years ago I never used to drink at home when I was on my own, this was mainly because I used to use alcohol as a crutch and to escape life so my drinking got quite bad. Now I can take it or leave and often go weeks without a single drop but this year I probably have drunk more than I’ve done in the last 5-6 years and I just don’t think it’s doing me any good and focusing on my health during this transformation I think it time to bin the booze.

I had a quiet day, mainly watching TV and tidying the house from yesterday. A friend popped round for a bit which was lovely, we had some cheese and biscuits and played a few board games, which I love but living on your own you don’t really get a chance to play them!!