Wednesday 17th November 2021

Today has been a right old mixed bag of emotions. One minute I felt elated and happy and then next I had tears streaming down my face.

My emotions at the moment seem all over the place and I can’t really see any reason why.

Thankfully it was a business day so at least I wasn’t in a “workplace” so to speak and was able to let my emotion and tears flow. The day started pretty well with a workout at the gym, still some issues with my knee but I’m doing what I can to be active as often I’ve found in the past the more I do the less it hurts.

Came home, showered, and went straight into a networking event online. I had a few pieces of work to-do so cracked on with them, then I met a friend for some lunch and a catch up which was so lovely.

Back home again and more work and meetings were had.

A chilled evening watching the tellybox, well watching is probably an exaggeration as it was on but my mind wasn’t really on it, I feel a little bit of unease and on edge which might account for the rollercoaster of emotions. In the end, the tellybox has gone off and I’m in bed writing this post. Will eat my bedtime snack, read for a bit and then it’s sleep time hoping that tomorrow I’ll feel a bit more settled!

Tuesday 16th November 2021

Not really sure how to sum up today! Was a uni day and it was non-stop from the time I got on campus until I left 10 hours later. Had a great session with the students and a couple of productive meetings too.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I plucked up the courage to download a dating app to address that area of my life. I have been talking to someone but got the feeling in my stomach that something wasn’t quite right. I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee a week or so ago, he said he wanted more time to chat, I was cool with that. Then last night I suggested we go to a food and gift event in a couple of weeks and again he said he wasn’t sure as he was nervous!! Pushing a bit more today, he admitted that he wasn’t really ready for a relationship or even being on this dating app as he realised he wasn’t really over his last relationship which ended in August this year.

So I wished him well and thanked him for the nice chats we had and we left it at that.

Although I had that feeling in my gut that it wasn’t quite right, the rejection still stings somewhat, maybe I’m just destined to be on my own… I know I’ll pick myself up and go again tomorrow!!

Monday 15th November 2021

Today has been a bit of a huffy puffy kind of day!

Started off well as managed to get to the gym and do a good workout, straight to the uni for a shower and breakfast, and managed not to forget anything.

  • Smart Clothes, shoes and underwear Check
  • Breakfast Check
  • Make up Check
  • Jewellery Check
  • Lunch Check
  • Cutlery Check
  • Milk for drinks Check
  • Snacks Check

Monday’s at the uni is usually my prep day as it’s a non-teaching day, however, last night one of my colleagues messaged to say they had Covid so were unable to do the face to face teaching, this person was standing in for another person who is also self-isolating from testing positive for Covid.

I didn’t mind standing in as it’s a module I’ve been teaching temporarily for the last few weeks anyway but for some reason, by the end of the day I felt a bit huffy puffy and my sighs were long and deeply felt. This is very unlike me, I’m not really a huffy puffy kind of person in the most parts.

I have no reason for feeling like this but like with most of the feelings I have, I just sit with it and allow it to flow as it needs to as know it will pass.

My thankfulness/gratitude list is needed today as my mood has really dropped in the last few hours. Bed now and hope that tomorrow I will wake up feeling brighter.

Sunday 14th November 2021

Today has been a good day, did some work 1st thing, then went to the gym for a workout and followed up with a dip in the lake which was a bit busy for my liking but great to see so many people embracing open water swimming.

The sun was out and the sky was blue, the lake is surrounded by trees so the autumn colours just made it seem magical. I really needed the swim today with all my emotions running riot the last few days. As much as it’s lovely to swim with friends and use the time to catch up it was it is also lovely to swim on my own and be with my thoughts.

A friend came along afterwards for a much needed catch up over coffee which was so lovely too.

Came home, had some food and did a little bit more work. I’ve finally caught up on all the business work that I was behind with so for the first time in what seems like months I finished working around 3.30 and spent a couple of hours reading the newspapers, had some tea and then watched a bit of telly – a chilled day all in all and exactly what I needed as got another full on week this week it would seem.

Saturday 13th November 2021

Wake up still feeling quite emotional and sore from exercise but was determined to go to intervals this morning, thinking the movement might loosen my legs up a bit and lessen the soreness. I was wrong!! I’ve not felt my quads burn as much as they did today but being quite stubborn when I want to be I wasn’t going to give up.

The usual ritual of food shop came after intervals and for most of it I felt completely in my own little bubble (physically present but mentally not really there), thankfully it was quiet at that time in the morning and was only really a top up shop & I had a list of what I needed.

Once home, the sofa swallowed me up for a few hours as I distracted myself with playing a silly smart phone game, which I’ve now deleted!!

Eventually, I pulled myself off the sofa to do some housework, I turned some music up loud and danced my afternoon away, not quite the meditation I was thinking of doing but worked a treat to shift my energy to a more positive one.

For tea I cooked myself a lovely duck stir-fry and made a lamb curry for tomorrow and leftovers for the week ahead. I always feel so lucky that I have the ability to cook nice food, I don’t use recipes very often, it’s just something that comes naturally to me. I know that I need to do more of this as cooking is like therapy and helps me to forget my troubles, not that I really have any at the moment which is why being emotional yesterday was a bit of a shock. Strange how things happen (always for a reason) and I’m slowly learning to just go with it and see where it takes me and that I don’t always need to understand it or delve into it, just let it be…

Friday 12th November 2021

Today has been a bit of a challenging day in many ways. I got up early to prep for my lecture today, had breakfast, and drove into the uni. So far so good.

Once I got to my desk and plugged in my laptop I found for some reason the work I’d done early this morning hadn’t been saved and the laptop kept crashing every time I tried to do anything to try to recover it.

Then at 8.45am I got a reminder that my lecture was going to start in 15 minutes! Checked my timetable to find that my lecture times and rooms had all been changed due to the open day happening on campus. A few months ago I raised this as an issue and thought it had been sorted! Usually, my lecture starts at 9.30am until 12pm, an hour for lunch and then a 3-hour session in the afternoon. Today, however, it was scheduled for 9-11am and 1.30-3.30pm and in completely different rooms than usual too. Not a massive thing granted but with the IT issues as well and my dyslexic brain it was all a bit much for me, so there were tears on the way home.

I knew these tears have been bubbling under the surface for a while, there is no real reason for them, just feel a bit emotional at the moment. Will do some energy release meditation tomorrow to see if that brings anything up.

And to top it all off today, I’ve got really bad DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) in my legs and arse from intervals yesterday. I’ve not ached like this in a very long while, I know that in the long run, it’s all good as this pain is actually my body getting stronger but my god it’s painful, going from standing to sitting and then trying to stand up again!!

Thursday 11th November 2021

Not much to report today, made it to intervals this morning and already aching from it this evening so have cancelled the gym session in the morning as know that I need to ease myself back into it gently and I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked today so need to do some work in the morning before I head to the uni for a lecture day.

Took the car back to the garage for them to give it a once over after the repairs they did the other week to make sure it was all working as it should be and thankfully it is! They also did an air freshening bomb inside it as the car smells of cigarettes, which is quite strong and nauseating (I’ve been driving around with the windows open since I got it to try to get rid of the smell). Hopefully, this bomb has worked its magic and the smell has been neutralised.

Tomorrow marks 50 days left of 2021 and I’m definitely going to do a few daily activities as a challenge until the end of the year, not sure at the moment if I will tell anyone about this or just keep it to myself, I know that they do say that if you tell others your goals your chances of success are increased as you have the accountability of others knowing! Just need to decide what the daily activities are!!

I really want to start 2022 on a high and in a positive mindset so I can smash the life out of the year. Also, as 2021 draws to a close I also need to decide what my word for 2022 will be, well I need to think of some first…

Wednesday 10th November 2021

Finally had the motivation to go to the gym this morning, I know I will always feel better for it so I don’t understand my headspace sometimes when I make excuses to not go!!

Just noticed that in a couple of days there will be 50 days left of 2021, how has that happened, I really don’t know where this year has gone…

Having a business day was so lovely, I felt relaxed and worked at my own pace, like I’ve said before I love working at the uni but do struggle to work to schedules and order. I am dyslexic so my mind finds it hard to make sense of things sometimes and this can cause me stress, and probably over the last 18 months, especially last year with the lockdowns I worked to my own agenda and it felt so liberating and freeing. This is something I want to take into next year too, not sure how I will do that though.

I love being at home, in my own little world – working to my strengths and giving my knowledge to the world and need to figure out a way to do this more too!

I’ve come to bed early tonight, well even earlier than usual as was drawn to reading instead of watching TV. Not sure which book I’ll read as got quite a few on the go right now, I’m sure I’m not alone in doing that. I like reading different books and usually, one book pops into my head when I think about reading and that’s the book I read on that day.

Tuesday 9th November 2021

Not much to report today, it was a uni day today so spent most of my day lecturing and then catching up on emails and other admin that needed doing as I’m now working on my own business for the next two days so wanted to tie up any loose ends, I will check my uni emails as I’m still working so I don’t miss anything important.

With being so busy over the last month or so I felt that my standard of lectures had dropped as I was constantly catching my tail in my prep for the sessions not really feeling like I was doing a good enough job, this will change now that I’m back to 3 days a week at the uni and teaching 2 modules rather than 5 days and teaching 3.5 modules – to some that might not much of an increase but the prep for lectures can take as long as the delivery.

Am hoping that I can get back into the exercise routine as well with doing fewer uni days, I still work long hours the days I’m not at uni but it is more on my terms so doesn’t feel as demanding or tiring! I love both sides of what I do so won’t change it, however, it is about finding ways that works for me on both a professional and personal level.

Monday 8th November 2021

Had planned to go to the gym this morning but when I woke up I felt incredibly tired after a very fitful night’s sleep, after I reset my alarm I slept a little longer and then finally felt like I could face the day.

Was a little annoyed with myself for not going to the gym and feel a bit lost within myself as before this period of inactivity I’d never really made any excuse for not going to the gym and I know I love it when I’m there. I just can’t seem to get my head into the right space to go.

Was at the uni today, it was a non-teaching day so spent it at my desk prepping for my sessions this week! Had some good meetings and caught up with colleagues which was nice.

Home by about 6pm to about an hour of business work and then I could relax, as the evenings are darker now it feels like there isn’t much time to do much once I finish work so need to make sure I finish on time and find time to do some personal development as it’s seriously lacking at the moment.