Friday 29th October 2021

Today has been a great day! When I opened my front door I was confronted with a beautiful sunrise, the colours were so vivid and as drove to the uni the sun was a ball of bright orange, a sight to be seen.

The day went fairly quickly as I was lecturing for the most part and then dealt with some admin for the time around the lectures.

As it is pay day today (another thing I’m still getting used to) after work I decided to pop to Waitrose (posh supermarket) to buy some tea & get a bottle of wine. This month I’ve worked my socks off so felt the need to celebrate getting to the end of another month and yes i know that there is still 2 days to go but its the last working day of the month.

Driving home I witnessed an amazing sunset, and actually puled over on the side of the road so I could capture it on my phone.

Today is the kind of day that reminds me that life is good and I might get caught up in the hustle but if you stop to look around you the world is a magical place.

Thursday 28th October 2021

If I’m honest, I’m not quite sure how I’ve got through today…

Started the day with intervals which was great, I know moving my body is good for me both physically and mentally so was on an exercise high for a few hours afterwards but soon I had a bit of an energy crash.

Due to being unable to do the work I planned to do over the weekend I feel totally on the back foot this week and constantly working to catch up, I hate this feel as it makes me feel like I’m drowning!!

It’s not often that I envy other people’s lives as I love my life and do what I can to make the most of my life, however, seeing people going on holiday this week to sunnier climates as it’s half term here in the UK has made me quite envious. What I’d give to be able to sit on the beach in the sunshine with the only thing to worry about is what drink or food I’m going to have next off the menu and which bikini I will wear tomorrow.

I know that I don’t give myself enough downtime, this is part down to necessity in some respect as I need to earn money to live but I also think that it goes deeper than that and is rooted in how I value myself and whether I believe I deserve or am worthy of time off or not. I’ve been brought up to think that working hard is a measure of success, this is not always true but I do struggle with this latter and something I want to sort out.

This is the last week that I’m working full time at the uni so hopefully next week I can get some order back into my days and get back on track with work for the business.

Wednesday 27th October 2021

Since making that decision yesterday I’ve been conflicted! I’ve felt lighter in myself that I’ve said that I’m struggling but also guilty for feeling like I’ve let the team down.

Who knew working in a team again would be so emotionally challenging, well it is for me! I’ve grown so used to working on my own, doing my own thing in the last decade that reintegrating myself into a team is proving hard. I am loving what I’m doing so guess it will get easier and less alien over time.

A few months ago I wrote on my other blog that I was running on empty and I kind of feel like that again, I’m doing what I can to keep my energy up as best I can with good nutrition, exercising now and also a good nighttime routine.

However, I feel like I could sleep for days if I had the chance, which I don’t as got so many things that I need to do, doesn’t help that over the weekend I wasn’t able to the complete the work I was planning so now this week I’m on the backfoot a little with it all.

Off to bed in a bit so am hoping another night of around 7hrs sleep might help, well my Fitbit say 7 hours but I’m not sure that is true, think it might be time to go back to my doctors and see if I can get some help.

Tuesday 26th October 2021

Today I admitted defeat, the last couple of weeks I’ve been working fulling time at the uni and running the business, this was to help cover for a colleague who was off work.

Initially, when I said I’d do it the business was fairly quiet so felt that I could fit everything in, however as soon as I said yes to this, new work started coming into the business.

Both offer me great opportunities and I’ve relished the challenge, however, ultimately I’ve realised I can’t do both like this as both roles require a lot of energy and I simply didn’t feel like I was doing either of them justice.

So today, I admitted that I was struggling to fit it all in, in a way I feel like I’m letting the team down as we are all fairly busy so someone else will have to pick up the bits I can’t do and feeling guilty about this but I know sometimes you have to look out for yourself and if I fall over (metaphorically) that would be even worse for me and the team in the long run.

I’m not one for admitting I’m struggling as usually I can figure a way out myself but in this instance I needed help!

Am working hard this week to get some order and discipline back into my days so that I achieve what I want to achieve, although I’ve not done my 30 minutes cleaning each day yet or started watching Jay Shetty’s video but I have prepped for tomorrow so that my morning will be slightly more relaxed.

Monday 25th October 2021

Today I managed to get up on time, meditate, get everything prepped and out the door so I made my crossfit session on time.

Felt so good to be back at the gym after a two week break, I never get annoyed with myself for these breaks as I’ve learnt that it doesn’t achieve anything and sometimes you just have to go with the flow of life.

Got to the Uni, had a shower and at my desk for 8.15, feeling all smug about what I’d already achieved this morning to realise that I left half my breakfast on my kitchen side.

Consequently, I’ve been hungry most of the day which doesn’t bode well for my mood, thankfully the students were pretty good today so that helped.

I was planning on doing an hour of the Jay Shetty programme I missed last week after work but left work late and quite frankly my brain is scrambled so don’t feel I would get the most out of it, will aim to finish on time tomorrow and get home and do it then, no pressure to do it really but would like to listen to what he says.

On the car front, I got mine back today, so fingers crossed it fixed and I can put car troubles behind me.

Short one from me as my bed is calling, so over and out..

Sunday 24th October 2021

An early Sophiecat wake up again to day but instead of going back to sleep after feeding her I got and on it! After not doing any work work yesterday I knew today was going to be a bit more full on, so was at my desk for around 6.45am and actually got to witness the amazing light the sunrise created as it rose for another day.

It was the start of winter swim club at my local lake, was a bit nervous about it as it’s been a few weeks since I was last in the water and due to my wetsuit being too small at the moment I knew I had to go in “skins”! In pervious years I’ve bottled going in skins during the winter swims and donned my wetsuit as this isn’t an option at the moment I’m embracing the new experience! It was flipping cold (water temp 13.3°C) when I first got in but once I got moving and caught my breathe it was utterly glorious, I managed 2 loops and didn’t actually want to get out of the water especially as the water was warmer than the air temperature. I’m still buzzing now from the feeling it gives you!!

I came back to crack on with work to find the main website I use for said work was down so that scuppered that plan, didn’t matter as I had other work to do so cracked on with that.

This week I signed up to Jay Shetty’s free Habits of success 5 day live workshops, it started on Wednesday and went through until today. I’m part of Jay’s Genius membership so was keen to do this too, however, I missed the 1st session on Wednesday as a friend came to visit! I’ve saved the videos in FB so that I can do the 5 days this week as didn’t want to jump on any of the other lives having missed the first one.

I’ve managed to do some prep for this week and feel ready to start building some better habits especially now that I’ve got a loan car so am able to get back to the gym! Lets see how I get on this week!

Saturday 23rd October 2021

Had a bit of a lazy start today mainly due to the very late night last night! Sophiecat woke me just before 7am for food, I went downstairs fed her and came straight back to bed, I didn’t wake up again until about 8.40ish! This is very late for me but clearly my body and brain needed the rest. Eventually got out the door around 10.30 to do the food shop again much later than normal and I didn’t really like it! Too many people and by the time I got home half the day had gone.

The rest of the day was spent tidying and cleaning the house, I can’t believe how one person namely me can make such a mess especially at the moment when I’m out of the house for around 9-10 hours a day five days a week and sleep for another 7-8!!

Overall it took about 4 hours to clean the house and this wasn’t even a deep clean! Once I’d put all the food shopping away, I had loads of dishes put away before I could start washing all the dirty ones, I needed to hoover and wash the floors and clean the bathroom. I often feeling like I’m winging it when it comes to running a house, I left home when I was 16 so everything I do is self taught and really don’t know if what I do is right or the best way to do things, all I do know is what I do now isn’t really working as I feel like I’m never on top of it and like I never get a day off (last week was the exception) as there is always something that needs doing.

So my plan this week is to make a daily chart and do about 20-30 minutes each day and see if by Saturday it’s as clean as it is now – do you have any routine to keep on top of the housework?

Friday 22nd October 2021

Yay, it’s the weekend…

This week has felt like a long week but also has whizzed by!! Finally got a loan car from the garage so able to do some of the things I usually do this weekend like a food shop and open water swimming.

Today has been quite tough if I’m honest, tears have felt close to the surface for most of it and not sure if it’s because I’m tired, the moon cycle or just a hangover from yesterday’s migraine but it’s felt exhausting holding it together.

Had a lovely evening at a friend’s house, it’s her birthday next when she is away so had an early celebration tonight with wine and crisps. We ended up putting on a telebox channel that was all 80s pop video which was fab to chat about our youth and the songs that triggered memories.

Overall my life is good and I need to remind myself of that more often instead of wallowing in the challenging bits!! And at some point I’ll get back into flow with this transformation!!

Thursday 21st October 2021

Today has felt like my head might explode!!

I have so much going on inside my brain right now & usually I can cope but today my brain said otherwise and ended up with a migraine and me taking some ibuprofen to just function and get through the day & evening.

I’m not one to pop pills/medication usually. I’m not anti medication per se, however, I do try natural remedies in the 1st instance or adjust lifestyle choices before I resort to medication. From my training I know that most ailments are caused by choices we make so this is my first route to improve health!

Firstly, I thought it might be dehydration but I realised I had drank nearly 2 litres of water today I knew it wasn’t that and had mild nausea too which told me it was more a stress migraine and just needed to stop!!

Not always that easy to stop when you’ve got things to do but I do plan to attempt to have a quiet-ish weekend to try to give my body and head some down time.

Wednesday 20th October 2021

Another day, another dollar (well pound sterling, but that doesn’t work as well). The opportunity I’ve been offered has been playing on my mind a bit today as it is a feel dilemma, I kind of know what my gut is saying but not sure if I’m following a deadend road metaphorically.

I have anxiety about making the right decision sometimes but then I have to remember a wise person once told me that it’s always the right decision at the time of making but things might not turn out as you expect but that doesn’t mean that when the decision was made it wasn’t the right one.

I think this past 18 months have taught us that no-one can predict what is around the corner so you just have to do what feels right in the moment and then see where it takes you. This is hard for me as I kind of like having a plan, well being in control and that’s just not always possible – like getting the bus to and from work!!

I struggle with relying on others be that my family, friends or even the bus company. I grown so used to being self-reliant for a myriad of reasons which I won’t bore you with but mainly being let down a lot by people I love(d) that now my circle of friends don’t let me down I still find it hard to accept help when offered. Something else to explore over the coming months!