Monday 20th September 2021

Today has been a win day as I got a PB (personal best) at the gym this morning. My exercise of choice is Crossfit, which is a global fitness movement where the idea is that you are constantly challenged with every workout. I have a somewhat love/hate relationship with it as it pushes you both physically and mentally in equal measures. Within Crossfit we have workouts called benchmark workouts, as the name might suggest you can use them to benchmark your progress as well as compare yourself with anyone else across the world who has also done the same workout. A selection of these workouts are name after girls or nasty girls as they are often called!

Just shows that despite my workout schedule being quite hit and miss over the last few months, this morning’s PB is proof that progress is being made even if you don’t see it of feel it. I also weighed myself yesterday and had lost a little weight, from the outset I’m doing this transformation to improve my health and life, I know full well that weight loss will be a happy side effect so as much as I will weigh myself every so often I’m not going to get caught up on this unless the numbers increase and then I will seriously need to address it!

Today has been a day at the uni and we welcomed the new first years (freshers) to our course, nice to see students back on campus and I’m looking forward to lecturing in the coming weeks. Today was the only day I’m at the uni as I’ve taking annual leave for the rest of the week, won’t be holiday as A: I’ve got business work todo and B: my parents are coming to stay.

Sunday 19th September 2021

Not really sure where today has gone if I’m honest, it’s flown by!! Had a good workout at the gym despite my legs aching from the week’s activities and then went for a nice swim in the lake which has eased the soreness in my body. This week I have managed to do all my planned workouts so am really pleased that my head is back in the game, long may it continue!

Caught up with a friend, came home and did some work, then headed out for a walk with another friend and her daughter.

Home to prep for my day tomorrow, cooked and ate some tea and now I’m in bed typing this!

As I walked back from my friends this evening I got to witness a beautiful sunset, the colours were so vivid it took my breathe away and made me think that although there are many areas of my life I want to improve on hence this transformation I am actually very lucky that I have a great life with some amazing, supportive friends, a business and job that I love and the freedom to do whatever I want in life. Sometimes I get so caught up in working towards the next goal, milestone or achievement that I don’t see what’s right in front of me right now, the lesson I’m going to take from today is live more in the moment and enjoy every minute that this life has to offer as it’s wonderful, tonight I’m feeling truly blessed

Saturday 18th September 2021

I had big plans for today, nothing exciting really just some housework, work and “me time”.

That might sound strange having me time when I live on my own but it’s kind of me giving myself permission to do some self care.

It started well, went to intervals and then did a food shop and was home my about 10ish, put some coffee on and put the food away and then started doing the dishes while my breakfast cooked. I then made the fatal mistake of sitting on the sofa… and that where I stay for a good while, the main reason for this is mainly because I ache like shit from doing the workouts this week especially my legs so getting on and off the sofa is painful! I do like this pain if I’m honest as I know it’s only temporary and that it’s just my body getting stronger.

I eventually did get off the sofa and managed to do some of the house jobs I had planned to do like hoover and wash the fall, fill the garden waste bin with garden waste ready for the collection today but I also played on my phone for much longer than necessary and therefore didn’t do the long meditation I had wanted to do, I know I put it off as I know that it might bring up emotions that I need to deal with but pissed off with myself for not just sucking it and just doing it.

I do wonder though why I don’t do these things especially when I know that the process might not be comfortable but the outcome always is a positive and beneficial. A lesson to take forward to next week. This is even more important as my parents are coming to stay for 6 nights so need to find ways of staying calm and not allowing it to stress me out.

Friday 17th September 2021

Today has been a slower day than of late, went to the gym, did a bit of work then met a friend for lunch which was lovely and very overdue. Then as I was leaving the café I bumped into another friend who I haven’t seen in years so caught up with her and finally returned home some 4 and half hours after I left!!

Having a slow day will mean having a busy weekend catching up on the work I should have done today but that’s cool, that’s one of the benefits of running your own business is that you work when you want to.

Having worked my arse off for the last few weeks/months is paying dividends now as money is coming in so that makes me feel a bit more secure. I know that my mood and ability to handle life’s up and downs has a strong correlation to money in the bank! Money mindset is a massive thing for me as I feel that this is probably one area that needs addressing first but from what I’ve already read it is tied up with your self worth and self belief, it’s like a chicken and egg situation as all the head stuff is linked so working out what to tackle first is hard, do I work on my self worth then money, or sort the money bit out which will give me some financial security then work on self worth!! Who knows which is best, however, just doing something is better than nothing!

My parents have told me that they are coming to stay with me for 6 nights next week, it will be lovely to see them as I’ve not seen them since Dec 2019 as they live in France and this is their first trip to the UK since the pandemic started, but it will be hard too as we aren’t the closest of families and I feel judged and criticised for who I am! So need to mentally prepare for their arrival as well as clean and tidy the house.

Thursday 16th September 2021

Another day where my focus has been purely on getting work done. I’ve not meditated for the last couple of days as not been in the mood for it, although I am planning on doing a longer meditation on Saturday.

I got up and went to intervals, straight to the Uni to shower and get ready for the day! A busy but great day as we prepare to welcome new students back on campus for face to face teaching. This will be the first time I meet most of the students that I taught last semester as a visiting tutor and my first time doing face to face lectures in a paid role! I say that as I have done a number of lectures as a guest lecture at the university I work at and the other university we have in our city.

For the last few weeks, the transformation has been on my mind I do feel I’m not making as good as progress as I would like, I am moving small steps forward each day whether that’s taking action like getting to the gym or just spending time thinking and contemplating. I know I have to start addressing the some of the mindset stuff as they have always been my biggest hurdle/barrier and that’s probably why I’m procrastinating doing any of the hard stuff.

I keep telling myself that once I get into a routine with lecturing it will be easier but that’s just an excuse – if you’ve got the will, you’ll find a way so I just need to start and be open to whatever comes up when I do the mindset work and know that I’ll deal with it as I have done so many times in the past.

Wednesday 15th September 2021

My main focus for today was pies!! Every year (apart from last year obviously) I have the great privilege of being a judge at the British Pie Awards! As I’ve been doing it a good few years I am now usually a class leader where I help the less experienced judges if they need help.

To some this might be a dream job and yes it is a lot of fun and I get to catch up with some great friends and colleagues. But it is also quite technical too, it’s not simply just eating the pie and seeing if you like it, we look appearance, baking, pastry thickness, texture and taste, filling texture and taste. The perfect pie has a score of 100 and any defects we take off this score.

This got me thinking about my life and this transformation and what if I looked at my life and kind of scored it in the same way what would I find.

I’ve already got a number of areas I want to work on so I could create a scoring system to see how I feel I’m progressing with that area. I know I probably need to think what “perfect” looks like to me in each area and then how far I feel I am from this ideal.

This is the job for tomorrow evening!

Tuesday 14th September 2021

Yet another day when all I’ve done is work! Tuesday is my weekly rest day from exercise so I tend to have a slower morning, still get up roughly around the same time as I know that this helps to maintain a good sleep pattern. I meditated for 15 minutes and then cracked on with work until it was time to shower, have breakfast and go do my uni job.

Got home for about 6pm, did some email admin, ate some tea! I did watch the telly for an hour or so just to get away from screens and then back to my desk to finish off some work that I needed to get back to client as I’m out of the office all day tomorrow and Thursday.

I love what I do as a business and the work I do at the uni, however, it’s day like today I wonder when I’m ever going to get to where I want to be with some of my goals, and yes I could have skipped the TV bit tonight and done some personal development or something towards my goals but I know I can’t be “on it” all the time and I just needed to watch bit of telly to get some head space.

The only positive thing from today is that I think I might take books in to read during my lunch break when I’m at the uni as this is an ideal time to get some downtime from screens & quiet time on days that I’m lecturing. Just need to find a quiet cosy space at the uni to do this.

As they say, tomorrow is another day and maybe bit by bit I am moving forward in my mindset etc it just not as noticeable as when you take large action!

Monday 13th September 2021

Today started with meditation and I did make it to the gym – whoop whoop!! I was a little apprehensive before I went but I was determined to go and felt good to get back into the groove of it. One of the girls there asked if I was back now as she hadn’t seen me for a while and my reply was yes hopefully and that the plan to keep going back.

Food wise, it’s been a good day! I made conscious choices about the food I was eating and felt good to nourish my body.

And ended the day drinking prosecco with a friend while we put the worlds to right and it got me thinking about balance.

Balance isn’t something I find easy, I’m an all or nothing kind of person but finding balance in my lives is probably the most satisfyingly yet challenging thing to do. And makes me start thinking about my word of the year for 2022!

This is something I’ve done for many years, instead of having new years resolution I pick a word to live by for that year and yes I know it’s still a few months away but this is the time of year that I start thinking about my word and usually one word just comes to me and resonates and that the word I use! This year’s world is embrace… as in embracing life & all that it throws at you!! If I’m honest I’m not sure I’ve done much embracing this year but I’ve tried my best to go with the flow of things and try as I might to not either resist or force anything.

Sunday 12th September 2021

Wow, another day and week is over and I feel like I’ve hardly come up for air. I didn’t do my normal gym and swim today as I had a big project that I wanted to finish for work so decided to buckle down and get it done.

The closer tomorrow gets the more excited I am to crack on with the transformation. I feel super motivated and glad that finally my head is back in the game…

Like I said last night sometime challenges are good to go through as you come out the other side wiser and stronger especially if the universe is testing your grit and resolve.

I enjoyed a relaxing evening watch the new Amazon Prime Cinderella film, it’s a high octane musical and very uplifting even if fairytales are only for movies or are they?!?! We can create our own fairytale if we truly believe in them and work our arses off to make them happen!

I also wrote a new blog post for my main blog https://lincolnshiregirl.co.uk/ I’ve been writing this blog for years, and do a monthly update on where my life is at, although not recently I also post about days out and recipes on there too. Soon I will get around to writing about my experience of open water swimming.

August 2021 – A decade of Firecracker

This month the business has got crazy busy which I’m ecstatic about as have felt for a long time that it might be time for a complete change, my belly fire is still burning bright but my head was saying something different these feelings were heightened this month too because Firecracker celebrated being 10 years old too, a decade of self-employment!!

In the last 10 years so much has happened and there have been some massive highs and some heartbreaking lows, and although I did celebrate this achievement it was tinged with sadness too.

I know deep down over the past ten years I’ve given my heart and soul to Firecracker, will continue to do so and smile at all the people I’ve met along the way, especially the ones I’ve been able to help and support in their life journey/story. I really hope that they smile too when they remember the interactions we had.

I had/have big dreams for Firecracker and felt that I should be further down the line with these goals than I am after ten years of plugging away at it! While the belly fire burns bright these dreams are still alive so I know not to give up hope and my time will come soon enough…

I had planned to have a quieter month in August, as mentioned in my July post I felt like I needed to rest and had some annual leave from my Uni work (having paid holiday is still something I am getting used to!) So yes I had annual leave from the Uni but I didn’t get any time off as I was busy working on Firecracker stuff, in fact, if I hadn’t had the time off I don’t think I’d have delivered all the work I need to do in August and I didn’t get as much done as I would like have liked due to…

…getting ill, I had a cold for about a week (this could have been due to being run down, or just picking it up from somewhere) – don’t think anyone likes getting ill, however, I always kind of give thanks to my body when I get ill and subsequently get better at its awesome ability to heal itself and know that my immune system is in good working order! But it was a timely reminder to look after my body and health. Personally, I believe there is nothing wrong with getting ill every so often as it’s being human, but I do think we need to do all that we can to support the body and mind to be healthy most of the time.

My big life transformation is still happening although due to the above it has kind of stalled a bit. But I’m determined more than ever to make this happen.

I did make progress on the garden though with a little help from some friends – so that’s progress towards the transformation.

While I was ill I did have a couple of slow days when my brain was a fog and tears flowed so had time to think about my life, there are times when I just want to run away and be done with adulting and all the responsibilities that go with it but mostly I smile about the life I have, the friends around me and the opportunities that come my way! Recently I’ve forgotten that…

Life’s for living and food is for eating… need to start living a bit more!!

Until next time stay safe and well xx