February 2020 – Rock Bottom

This month has been truly rubbish!!

At times I’ve felt completely hopeless and helpless. In fact, I felt like I’d hit rock bottom, this caused lots of tears, many sleepless nights and feeling like a complete failure.

Getting a job I’ve found is actually not that easy, applications I’ve submitted for jobs where I thought I had a strong chance of getting an interview came back as eliminated at the application stage which has really knocked my confidence.

If I’m honest, I’ve not applied for that many jobs as I really not sure what job I want, ideally, it would be in workplace health and wellbeing, however, those kinds of jobs don’t seem to be available locally to me so in the last couple of weeks I’ve been spreading the net wider. I don’t particularly want to move from Lincolnshire as it’s the place I’ve called home for over thirteen years and feel very settled here, but right now I’m not really live a life so if moving to another part of the UK allows me to live a little then who knows where that might lead me.

When people have asked me – what kind of job am I looking for? I tell them I haven’t got a clue, even a recruitment consult said I had an eclectic range of skills.

I know that getting a job would give me financial security but a little bit of me still sees the opportunity with the business, however being all consumed by my worries the business has taken a back seat, as just getting through each day has been hard.

With feeling very low and not sure which way to go I did something I don’t do enough of and I reach out and asked for help, in doing so I had to swallow my pride and admit that I didn’t have all the answers. I’ve avoided this in the past as I’m embarrassed by the situation I’ve got myself in.

 

As the saying goes “A problem shared is a problem halved” is very true as I do feel the burden I’m carrying is lighter from sharing with others what I’m going through at the moment. As well as speaking to others makes you realise you are not the only person struggling so feel less alone.

On the exercise front, this has been rubbish too!! My car (one thing that has caused me grief this month) is on its last legs and I don’t feel very safe driving it, the garage I use have assured me it’s safe to drive but I’ve just lost confidence in it so only been driving when it’s been absolutely necessary, thankfully I’ve now sorted out getting a newer car so will be back at Crossfit Box in March. This has also made me a bit of a recluse, I don’t have a problem with that, I love being at home and spending time on my own (I never feel that alone as I know I can always talk to friends and family through apps and social media) but know that it’s not always that good for me.

As the month came to an end my mood started to lift and I felt like the darkness was moving away, I’ve been focusing on what I can do each day to keep me moving forward while my future feels complete uncertain I know that if I focus on positive actions and mindset then this will carry me through, this includes making time for reflection and meditation.

So here’s to that strong foundation and move onwards and upwards.

R xx

Published by lincolnshiregirl

I'm 40 something gal living in the beautiful county of Lincolnshire, England. I run my own business which is a rollercoaster of good times and bad times but it is what makes life interesting. I'm a self-confessed foodie, which some people might think is bordering an obsession, but a good obsession I would say. I am a fully qualified food technologist, nutritionist and personal trainer and use my skills and knowledge to keep striving to better myself in all areas of my life. Despite being dyslexic I love reading both fiction and non-fiction books and usually have four or five on the go at any one time. I enjoy keeping myself fit and healthy by regular visits to the gym as well as enjoying open water swimming and sometimes I'm brave enough to swim without a wetsuit. This blog is all about my life and adventures.

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