May 2022 – Conditional Living

May for me has been quite an emotionally tough month for many different reasons but also a month of realisations and lightbulb moments too.

As I mentioned last month, I had planned to do some daily actions for 100 days leading up to my 45th birthday – when I thought of the challenge, I thought it wouldn’t be too stretching for me to do as most of the actions I do daily anyway, however, after 7 days I abandoned it!

The main reason for this is I came to the realisation that I put so many conditions on my life that I get so caught up in these conditions that I don’t live the life I should. As most of you know I am very hard on myself all of the time! My bar for success is higher than it really should be and I generally berate myself daily for not reaching these standards!

Another reason I do these challenges is to avoid doing the mental work I need to do to move forward with some of the mental and emotional blocks that I carry with me like most people do from events we’ve experienced during our lifetime. We all have a past/history/baggage! I realised that I need to put this baggage down to lighten the load that I carry.

A third reason is that I actually have enough to do in my life to balance my work at BGU, the business, running a house, maintaining a social life as well as keeping myself healthy so even though I thought I could handle the additional actions, it came to a head when all I could think about was when I was going to fit these actions in on day 8 and realised I couldn’t without sacrificing things that actually are really important like earning a living!

When I think of food and alcohol, I have a really good relationship with both, alcohol I can take it or leave it, I can go months without drinking any and generally drink it only when I feel like it. My diet, in general, is really good, I don’t eat fast food/takeaways, I cooked all my food from scratch and don’t eat many sweets, chocolate, cakes etc yet for this challenge I had decided to give up alcohol, sweets, chocolate, cakes, biscuits & crisps – this was making me sad! I don’t emotionally eat but I do like a cake every so often.

In terms of exercise – I love it, however, recently I’ve had an injury to my right knee! I rested and had physio and it felt like it was getting better, so I headed back to the gym and managed my normal routine for a week, then bang my knee went again and I haven’t been back since! Again this makes me sad especially as I’d only just got my exercise mojo back.

I felt like I had lost sight of who I am and not in a body I feel comfortable with (as shallow as that sounds). My word for the year is Authenticity and right now I feel very far away from being my authentic self.

As I write this with tears running down my face, I’m not actually sure how to get back on track with exercise or deal with my mind gremlins. I’m sure the universe/my soul will show me the way if only I stop to listen!

I hope you are well and have enjoyed the long Jubilee Bank Holiday weekend, until next time Big Love xx

Published by lincolnshiregirl

I'm 40 something gal living in the beautiful county of Lincolnshire, England. I run my own business which is a rollercoaster of good times and bad times but it is what makes life interesting. I'm a self-confessed foodie, which some people might think is bordering an obsession, but a good obsession I would say. I am a fully qualified food technologist, nutritionist and personal trainer and use my skills and knowledge to keep striving to better myself in all areas of my life. Despite being dyslexic I love reading both fiction and non-fiction books and usually have four or five on the go at any one time. I enjoy keeping myself fit and healthy by regular visits to the gym as well as enjoying open water swimming and sometimes I'm brave enough to swim without a wetsuit. This blog is all about my life and adventures.

2 thoughts on “May 2022 – Conditional Living

  1. I read something once that said you shouldn’t be harder on yourself than you are on other people. It works to a degree. As for doing something for 100 Days I generally pick something like writing something every day, which I find relaxing and it fits in with my plans. Miss a day? Write more next day. You can’t do that with food or exercise. And finally, don’t give things up. I haven’t had a cigarette for over 20 years. I never gave up, I just got up and decided not to have one. I had a packet by the door for years and just never had one.

    Of course, none of this may work for you, so feel free to ignore it. 🙂

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