May for me has been quite an emotionally tough month for many different reasons but also a month of realisations and lightbulb moments too.
As I mentioned last month, I had planned to do some daily actions for 100 days leading up to my 45th birthday – when I thought of the challenge, I thought it wouldn’t be too stretching for me to do as most of the actions I do daily anyway, however, after 7 days I abandoned it!
The main reason for this is I came to the realisation that I put so many conditions on my life that I get so caught up in these conditions that I don’t live the life I should. As most of you know I am very hard on myself all of the time! My bar for success is higher than it really should be and I generally berate myself daily for not reaching these standards!
Another reason I do these challenges is to avoid doing the mental work I need to do to move forward with some of the mental and emotional blocks that I carry with me like most people do from events we’ve experienced during our lifetime. We all have a past/history/baggage! I realised that I need to put this baggage down to lighten the load that I carry.
A third reason is that I actually have enough to do in my life to balance my work at BGU, the business, running a house, maintaining a social life as well as keeping myself healthy so even though I thought I could handle the additional actions, it came to a head when all I could think about was when I was going to fit these actions in on day 8 and realised I couldn’t without sacrificing things that actually are really important like earning a living!
When I think of food and alcohol, I have a really good relationship with both, alcohol I can take it or leave it, I can go months without drinking any and generally drink it only when I feel like it. My diet, in general, is really good, I don’t eat fast food/takeaways, I cooked all my food from scratch and don’t eat many sweets, chocolate, cakes etc yet for this challenge I had decided to give up alcohol, sweets, chocolate, cakes, biscuits & crisps – this was making me sad! I don’t emotionally eat but I do like a cake every so often.
In terms of exercise – I love it, however, recently I’ve had an injury to my right knee! I rested and had physio and it felt like it was getting better, so I headed back to the gym and managed my normal routine for a week, then bang my knee went again and I haven’t been back since! Again this makes me sad especially as I’d only just got my exercise mojo back.
I felt like I had lost sight of who I am and not in a body I feel comfortable with (as shallow as that sounds). My word for the year is Authenticity and right now I feel very far away from being my authentic self.
As I write this with tears running down my face, I’m not actually sure how to get back on track with exercise or deal with my mind gremlins. I’m sure the universe/my soul will show me the way if only I stop to listen!
I hope you are well and have enjoyed the long Jubilee Bank Holiday weekend, until next time Big Love xx