At the beginning of August had a holiday, which might not sound much to some but it is the first holiday I’ve had in about seven years, it is not because I don’t mind holidays, I do, it’s just circumstances that have prevented me from going away.
I went to the north coast of Scotland for a few days, while I was there I spent a lot of time thinking, contemplating my life and some decisions I needed to make. There were plenty of tears – not just of sadness but happiness too. I got to see a friend who lives up there & try out my new Stand-Up Paddleboard.
One particular day when I went to visit an RSBP nature reserve and found that I was the only person there, I had a quick look around the visitors centre before heading out to the viewpoint and as I did the heavens opened – thankfully when I left the car I could see the rain in the distance so put my coat on just in case it came my way, which it did and in that moment as the rain poured down on me and I was getting soaking wet, despite my waterproof coat as the rain was just running off it onto my trousers I burst into tears (this was a mixture of happy and sad tears)!
Sadness in the fact that I was there on my own and would have loved to share the experience with someone else and happiness as in that moment I felt completely free and thankful for being alive & able to do the things I want to do as well as ridiculous-ness of me in the middle of nowhere in the rain.
The holiday was over all too quickly and soon forgotten as I dived straight back into work although a small piece of my heart stayed there as I fell in love with the place and hope to go back as soon as I can, although I need to look at different options to get there as the 10+ hour drive is extremely tiring, especially doing it on your own.
During the time away I said to myself that I need to give myself more breathing space – this has proved harder to do, I’m on the go from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed! There are many reasons why I do this, some are practical reasons such as earning a living, maintaining a social life and staying fit and healthy but others are to avoid/ignore the chatter from my brain gremlins/my ego who remind me of all the negative things in my life – most of us have limiting beliefs or stories that we tell ourselves that aren’t true which impact how we see ourselves or stops us from doing things we want to do. I acknowledge these & have regular therapy sessions to help me explore these as well as forcing me to stop & sit with my emotions (more on this in September’s post).
I know that I do need to STOP regularly just to give myself time to breathe as this will benefit me in the long run, despite how hard it feels in that moment.
Until next time, stay well xx
Lincolnshiregirl 