The first month of 2023 is done & dusted, despite wanting to make changes in my life for 2023, these never materialised for one reason or another but one big reason is that I’m a professional avoider, more on that later!
The month started full throttle as I began my new role at the uni which is full-on and challenging but I am enjoying it. After the first week, I headed to Scotland for a few days for some R&R which turned out not to be as relaxing as I had hoped! Mainly because I was behind with some of my marking for uni so this played on my mind for most of the trip. Although spending time with my friend and visiting some beautiful places did give my brain some respite.
During the drive to and from Scotland, I had plenty of time to think about my life and felt sure that in the coming days and weeks, I would start to make some of the changes I desired in my life, however, as soon as I got home I got “busy” again.
Clearing out the clutter or giving myself time to breathe means that I have to address the feelings/emotions that I avoid by staying busy and convincing myself that I need to work to keep my head above water financially. That might have been true in the past, however, things are a little easier now with my uni role.
The thing is that for a long time, I’ve just been surviving, putting a brave face on, and getting on with life & I guess that is now my comfort zone, changing is going to be hard, messy and uncomfortable but as much as I want to change, your comfort zone is safe and secure.
Although, if I’m honest, I’m sick of this life, sick of working all hours when I don’t have to just to avoid addressing feeling lonely and an unlovable weirdo! This is hard to admit not just to whoever reads this but to myself, as I type this I have tears streaming down my face as in January I felt enough was enough! Things need to change!!
Change is hard though and I know that I’m stuck in my ways so I have looked for people who can help me and I realised and admitted that I can’t do this on my own I need help and support.
So here’s to a different life by the end of 2023, I know that seems a long time off but also know that there is a lot of work to be done so I just have to remember that small steps each day will get you a long way from where you started if you are consistent in your actions…
Until next time, stay safe and well xx
Lincolnshiregirl 