Wednesday 15th December 2021

Managed another gym session today which was fab, not my favourite movements but I got it done especially as I had a jam-packed day..

Today was a business day so after the gym, I attended an online networking/coffee club with other business people, I love networking so having these online versions is great, I don’t always manage to get to them but wanted to go today as it was the last one of 2021.

After that I had a call with a friend who also owns a marketing company, I’ve asked her to be my coach for the coming year to give me some accountability for the marketing I do with the business.

It was Christmas lunch day at the uni for staff so it was my first and last Turkey Christmas dinner for 2021, lovely to see a few people and catch up.

Then after work, I met up with a friend and her dog Ernest and we went to the castle in our city which was lit up with beautiful lights and illuminations. The walkway was lined with Christmas trees lit up with fairy lights and it was simple but so elegant and showed off the beauty of the buildings.

So after 15,000 steps, a workout, Christmas lunch! I am totally spent but very grateful for my life right now.

Tuesday 14th December 2021

Woke up and the DOMs had definitely kicked in, really sore traps and upper back, the familiarity of the pain is comforting in a strange way as I know that my body is adapting. I know over the coming weeks as I get back into an exercise routine, I will have to get used to this muscle soreness until my body is used to moving like that again. The one good things on my side is muscle memory and hopefully, my body will quickly remember the movements so reaching my fitness goals may come slightly more easily than if I was starting from scratch.

Today was a uni day and final session with the 2nd years before the festive break so took the opportunity to buy them coffee and cake and wish them a happy Christmas, over the past few months it has been really nice getting to know them as individuals. They are a great bunch of young people who will hopefully go out into the world once they finish their degree and make it a better place.

Today was also fresh pasta day! About a month ago I signed up for a fresh pasta & sauce subscription, created by a family last year when their pasta shop had to close due to the lockdown restrictions. It is great that it gets delivered on a uni day (Tuesday) as it makes for a quick and easy tea for me, the delivery is a serve 2 portion so I save the rest for my Friday tea when I’m also at uni and just have something that needs heating up and it’s prepped. I don’t tend to eat much pasta these days so it’s a real treat.

Monday 13th December

Yay, finally made it to the gym this morning, didn’t have any excuses not to go so I got up, got my stuff sorted and went and get me, I didn’t forget anything – all my clothes, makeup, jewellery, breakfast, lunch, snacks and other work stuff!!

I know I say this every time I get back into the gym but it felt so good to get back moving my body, not sure how I will feel tomorrow with muscle soreness. It was a long grind of a workout, the kind I love where you just crack on and get into the groove of it, had to scale a few of the exercises which I’m ok with as want to get back into it gently.

It’s amazing how much different I feel on the days where I exercise in the morning, I simply get more stuff done, am energised and positive! Need to remember this when I’m making up reasons not to go.

I was at the uni today and mainly prepping for the week’s lectures and doing a few other things! This is the final week of lectures of 2021 and you can really tell that the students are tired (as we are as lecturers too) and need a break over the festive period.

I’ll have a break from uni over the break but will probably do business work as really want 2022 to be my year with driving the business forwards, over the last 10 years I’ve built some great foundation so now to make it count and build something awesome!

Sunday 12th December 2021

The cat alarm clock got me up before 6am this morning, fed her and came back to bed, when I properly woke up again it was around 8.30am, for me that’s quite late! Didn’t get stressed about it as I knew today could be a slow day.

I had a couple of bits of work to do and wanted to prep some food for the week, other than that I was going to take it easy and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

Mid-morning I walked to the local shop to pick up a paper, it’s been a milder day than recently and the winter sun was shining, so nice to be in the fresh air for a short while.

Came back and cracked on with my work, I also wrote my November blog post for my other blog and reflected on some thoughts in my head…

I can’t wait to have some time over the festive break to start clearing out my house, I feel that the energy in the house is stagnant and needs to be shaken up a bit. Feels like I’m holding onto so much stuff (both emotional & physical) from the past that it’s weighing me down. I planning on blitzing every room/cupboard/drawer in the house and getting rid of anything that I don’t use/love/want anymore. Will give as much of it away to charity as possible. I know this will be an emotional process as I’ve got nearly 14 years of memories to untangle and let go of.

November 2021 – Alien in New York

November was a month with so many conflicted thoughts and a mixed bag of emotions, a real rollercoaster of a month.

Not sure the reason for such a mixed month as in general everything is going swimmingly really, well apart from exercise (have just lost motivation for this, more about that next month!) but work at the uni is going well, the business is ticking along nicely, however, for most of the month I’ve had a nagging feeling that something needs to change… I’ve probably had the feeling for a long time but not really been able to put my finger on quite what it was.

I’ve never been one to follow the crowd, doing my own thing was who I was, most of the time I don’t give it much thought as I just get on life and do things that feel right for me at the time.

However, there are times when I feel like an alien, the odd one out, a loner for want of a better word. I just feel like I don’t fit in with any group or tribe and this gets to me sometimes. I have some amazing friendships and enjoy spending time with people on a one to one basis, in the past few years I’ve shied away from social situations as feel like the spare part, feel like I have nothing in common with other people and not sure what to talk to them about, that I’ll sound dull and that people won’t want to speak to me…

I feel like I’m not living my authentic self most of the time as I confirm to fit in, to be accepted, to be liked and this is so very tiring and saps my energy daily…

Half of me doesn’t want to fit in as want to be unique and my own person and then the other half is like you’ll end up alone so need to change to fit in!!

As the year comes to the end my thoughts turn to how I want to change to make the coming year better, I’m determined to change some of my habits that don’t serve me well, November was the start of this by making a list of all the things I want to change in my life.

In 2022 I want to be more my authentic self and be completely confident in showing this self to the world, shout it loud and proud and not be worried about the people who don’t like it!! I know this will be a challenge as it changing beliefs that I’ve had for 44 years but I’m willing to give it a go. The hardest thing will be is working out who that authentic self is!!

This will be my mantra for 2022!!

Saturday 11th December 2021

Got woken up by Sophiecat at 3.30am and again around 5am when I finally gave in and got up and fed her!! Had a bit of a headache/hangover from a few glasses of wine last night at my friends but probably more to do with the lack of sleep/poor quality sleep.

No gym again this morning, but did pop to the shops to do my food shop.

Got the bus into town again today as was meeting a friend for brunch so thought it might be nice if we had a drink. In the end, I only had a glass of prosecco which was lovely. I said my goodbyes and made my way to the bus stop.

As the bus came around the corner to the bus stop I waved my hand to indicate I wanted it to stop and it just sailed past me, now if the buses were every 10 minutes or so I won’t have minded but the next bus was 2 hours later, to say I was pissed off is an understatement!!! I furiously tweeted the bus company and will call and complain on Monday about it as it’s just rubbish. Thankfully I had my kindle with me so made my way to a coffee shop and sat and read that while I waited.

When I finally got home I felt really tired so haven’t done much for the rest of the day and I am in bed already as can barely keep my eyes open.

Am hoping that over the festive break I can somehow get on top of this tiredness as it’s just driving me crazy and doesn’t feel normal!!

Friday 10th December 2021

Today I was nervous about teaching which played on my mind during the night, with very little deep sleep. These nerves were unfounded and the lecture went well, admittedly I only had one student but having one to one time with students is really nice as you get to know them better which I believe will enhance both your teaching and their learning.

As I’ve done extra hours this week I finished at the uni earlier than normal, popped to get some groceries and then came home.

Decided to sit on the sofa for a bit to just chill and stayed there for hours…

Spent the evening at friends putting the world to rights and catching up on each other news, even though we live literally 10 minutes from each other we haven’t caught up properly for a good 4-6 weeks so good to have a chat over a few glasses of wine, so do feel a bit squiffy!!

Nice to talk to someone you trust about your feelings to not only get them off your chest but also their thoughts about it to move you forward, I feel at the moment I’m in a transition period and things can go one of many ways and the way I go is a partnership between me and the higher guiding force (the universe) – trusting this guiding force to help me find the right path and actions that will ultimately be my life.

Thursday 9th December 2021

Another fitful night’s sleep with some really weird dreams, can’t actually remember them now but when I woke up I was “What the fuck” was that all about. Then immediately forgot them.

I’ve worked roughly 13 hours today, 9 hours at the uni and 4 on the business so mentally I’m done in, but physically I’m not tired, still not got back to the gym, this is probably one of the longest stints I’ve had of not doing any exercise… Not really sure what triggered the loss of motivation but something has definitely changed in my head. And I’m really hoping it comes back soon as I a personal trainer I know all too well the benefits of regular exercise.

As we draw nearer to the festive period my mind is focusing on the new year. Christmas is a tough time for me for many reasons so kind of what it just to be over and we can crack on with the new year and new focuses etc.

This is especially important to me this year as I so want 2022 to be a fab year for me with lots of personal growth and finally saying goodbye to some limiting beliefs and habits that don’t serve me well.

The last two years have been hard for everyone in many ways and I feel like I’ve weathered the storm pretty well, mainly due to previous challenging times I’ve had which has given me a lot of inner strength and resilience.

And I’m having to pull on this inner strength at the moment: re exercise and know that it will all feel right again to start doing something and to just sit, feel and allow whatever the blocks are to unblock themselves naturally as they so wish and not to force it!

Wednesday 8th December 2021

A mixed bag of a day, half at the uni, half at home working on the business. At the uni, we had an open day where potential future students come and have a look around the campus and talk to us as lecturers about our courses and what it’s like to study with us.

The campus had a real buzz about it with lots of people milling around. I’ve not experienced this before as I only started in February and we were teaching online until the summer break, yes we have been back on campus since September but some days it feels quite empty with many people working from home/doing flexible working.

It seems that every waking minute when I’m not working I’m thinking about the possibilities for 2022 both professionally with the business or personally. Just this evening I’ve seen a friend’s post about a windy run they were just home from. I’ve not run for months as had a knee problem and then just lost all motivation to exercise in general but seeing their post really made me miss running. So perhaps the motivation is coming back…

Tuesday 7th December 2021

I find it fascinating how your feelings/mood changes so vastly each day, yesterday I was full of excitement, yet today I’ve felt quite weary. The last few nights’ sleep has been disturbed, when I wake up the bed covers are all over the place and I feel like I’ve moved around so much in the night. I’ve been sleeping longer as well as feel like my body is crying out for sleep/rest.

Not sure if this is to do with the shorter days/colder weather or just the combination of this and all the stress of the last couple of years that finally my mind is at its limit. Physically I don’t feel tired as I’ve not exercised consistently for weeks but mentally I’m done in.

One thing for sure next year I need to find a way of switching off, this is something I don’t seem able to do very well. In fact, the only two places that I can switch off is when I’m swimming in a very cold lake or doing high-intensity exercise as both involve me being completely present in the moment for a number of reasons yet right now I’m not interested in doing either. I know my motivation will come back, can’t say when but that’s ok as it will I know for sure as it always has and then I get into a proper groove with it.

So for now, I know I just need to ride out these feelings and let them do their thing.