Friday 26th November 2021

Fairly busy day today, I skipped the gym again this morning to do some work before I head to the uni campus.

Turned out I only had one student in to teach so we had a one-to-one tutorial about their assignment. I know my subjects pretty well from a practitioner point of view, less clued up about the theory and research that underpins my knowledge so it’s been great getting into research again and learning new stuff.

Got home in good time which was good as it’s blowing a hooly out there tonight as a storm is about to hit the UK, batten down the hatches, and all that as they say.

As I didn’t go to the gym this morning, I decided that I’d do a home workout tonight! I’ve got some rubber matting that I bought last year and some dumbbells so moved my body for about 30 minutes, not as hard a workout as I would at the gym but a very good substitute and it felt great. I’d forgotten how much I like working out at home! All through lockdown last year I did workouts most days and loved it, I got up early, did my workout, and then got on with the rest of my day!! The lack of commuting to the gym really suited me. If I had more space I’d probably invest in more kit but might put some rig outside so can use that when the weather allows.

A chilled evening after that chatting to friends online. I am so lucky to have some amazing friends who support me through the high and low times and am eternally grateful for them.

Thursday 25th November 2021

A much brighter day today, mentally wise! Got up, went to intervals – not been to the gym all week so was nice to sweat out some stuff!!

Came home and looked at my phone – it is usually on do not disturb from 7.30pm to 7.30am as it helps me to maintain my nightly routine, if I get any emergency calls then it still rings, I don’t have my phone in my bedroom either so this also helps.

I had some very lovely messages about my blog post, I use my other blog as a cathartic way to release stuff that’s going on in my head and to share life’s ups and downs, and if it helps someone else out then all the better really. I share hard stuff as I never want anyone to feel like they are alone as I’ve felt that many times in my life & I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Nutrition work is coming in thick and fast at the moment so spent another day mainly doing that and then popped to the uni campus to catch up with a colleague.

Finally actually cooked some food tonight instead of just making do and it felt good, also made a massive dish of roasted vegetables for quick meals for the next few days. Going to really try to get on top of my food and exercise in the last 5/6 weeks of the year so I can start 2022 with a spring in my step.

Wednesday 24th November 2021

Today has been wall to wall nutrition work, I skipped the gym yet again as just don’t seem to have the energy to get myself to go in the mornings at the moment.

So I was at my desk by 6.30am, firstly catching up on emails from the last few days and business admin then I started working on client work.

I really like days like this (not the not going to the gym bit) but the wall to wall nutrition work as when I get to the end of the day it feels like I’ve achieved a lot and that feel great. Although, my eyes are a bit squiffy from staring at a screen and spreadsheets all day.

Been a bit of a teary evening as published a blog post on my other blog – Lincolnshire Girl about something that makes me sad, it’s something I’ve wanted to say for ages but didn’t have the guts to actually say it but it’s out there now!!

As I feel emotionally drained at the moment, my bedtimes are getting earlier and earlier to feel the warmth of my bed and wrap myself in my quilt and dream of happy futures.

Tick tock, the ticking clock…

This is quite a hard post to write but feel it’s time to share something that is really close to my heart and am writing it through tears streaming down my face…

The above phrase I’ve heard a couple of times in the past week when I’ve been asked if I have children, I don’t know why people think it’s acceptable to ask me if I have children in the first place but I won’t have a rant about that now but it’s a question I’ve been asked for years.

The assumption most people come to about me is that I’m career-focused and therefore didn’t/don’t want children. This is not true, yes I am driven and career-focused but I actually would have liked/would like to have my own child(ren) if I could. And the fact is you can be both, I know plenty of friends who are both mothers and have had successful professional careers.

As the days, weeks and months pass I am more aware that my biological clock is ticking down to a point where it is not possible for me to have children biologically and it’s heartbreaking. Every time I see people post about their pregnancy or birth news I am genuinely happy for them but a bit of my heart breaks off knowing that more than likely it will never be me making this kind of announcement.

Yes, I know there are other means to being a “mum”, however, the thing is I would like a child but would like to share that life and journey with someone else too. I’ve now been single for over 10 years and if I’m honest it sucks as shallow as that sounds!! Yes, I’ve had a few flings and short-term relationships but always something isn’t quite right so it ends, usually with my heart broken.

I put a brave face on most of the time, however, as time goes by I lose hope of ever meeting my happy ever after. I’ve recently swallowed my fears and registered on Match.com, I find it so alien, uncomfortable & impersonal so am kind of struggling with it. I signed up for 6 months but am feeling all a bit overwhelmed right now and might just deactivate my account until the new year.

Fairytales only seem to exist in movies and imagination…

Tuesday 23rd November 2021

Today has been a great day! A full on session with my 2nd year ungrad students, they are really developing as students and people and really lovely to get to know them better.

The university I teach at is a small one campus uni and our cohorts are relatively small which means you get to know the students, in my 2nd year cohort there are 9 students. All very different, all bring something amazing to the group as a whole.

I feel very priviledge to be in a position where I can help these young people develop and fall in love with business as much as I do.

After work, when I got home there was a delivery on my door step. On Saturday while at the food festival I signed up to a fresh pasta delivery box and the first one arrived today. So my tea took a total 5 minutes to prep and cook as within the box was pasta, sauce and some dressing. I simply had to cook the pasta, heat up the sauce and volia my food was ready. I plan on changing the frequency of delivery to once a month I think and then it’s a little treat to look forward too.

Going back to working 3 days a week at the uni has been great, however, I’m still finding it difficult getting into routines with exercise, food and housework! Going into 2022 I really want to crack this, when I’m on it, I’m on it and feels so good to be in flow but then a simple thing can knock me sidewards and then I find it so far to get back into flow…

So many things to think about over the coming month. The last two years have been challenging for everyone so time to close this chapter and start a fresh new one in 2022 (hopefully)!!

Monday 22nd November 2021

A great day today! A uni day where usually I don’t do any teaching on a Monday as it’s my prep day but today I did a short guest lecture for my colleague and then during the lunch break I did a talk to the menopause group about food and it’s impact on the body and the foods to eat to support the body through the menopause transition.

I love standing up and speaking in front of people, I’m in my element and I thrive off the energy I create in the room. I love to share my knowledge with others so they can benefit from it. I need to do more of this in 2022!!

And I still managed to prep for my lecture tomorrow so happy days!

Other than the above, not a lot has happened! Didn’t make it to the gym this morning, as kind of knew I would be tired from the weekend and also had to do a bit of work that I didn’t get done yesterday.

A quick tea and then a chill on the sofa, I do love the winter months but the dark evening really wants to make me simply hunker down under a blanket.

As I’ve mentioned before I have a word of the year each year, this year has been “embrace”!! The word for 2022 hasn’t popped into my head so need to spend some time this month and next focusing on what I want for next year and make a plan to achieve it.

Sunday 21st November 2021

A pretty lazy day today, woke up a couple of times in the night as needed a wee, and then I had forgotten to turn my alarm off on my watch and also sleeping in a different bed/place as well as being fitful from drinking alcohol.

Lazy morning with coffee and croissants chatting to my friends, the day yesterday went so quickly, always the case when you are having fun, isn’t it!! So we reminded each other of some of the antics we got up too and looked at the photos we took. My friend took way more pictures than me so got lots of memories to look back on.

The drive home was uneventful and fairly quick, it’s really easy as it’s one road all the way North, can get a bit tedious at times as it’s quite dull but good in a way as you can enjoy the scenery and not worry too much about getting lost.

Once home, I just chilled on the sofa for the rest of the day, I did need to do some work but decided I’d rather get up early and do it in the morning than sit at my desk today.

Feeling quite tired now so am hoping to have a fairly quiet week, we’ve got 4 more weeks of lecturing before the Christmas break so onto the final stretch of the year.

This transformation has been on my mind a lot the last few days knowing that I’m not really making much progress with certain areas so want to make sure that I sort my head out between now and the new years so that next year I can make great strides forward.

Saturday 20th November 2021

What a day, very different to my normal Saturday as I’m visiting a friend down south for 24/36 Hours!

It was an early start as needed to get to their house for 9am and it was a 2.5hr drive! I don’t mind getting up early but slept fitfully knowing that I needed to get up earlier than usual.

The reason for the early arrival time was because we’d booked tickets to a food festival in Central London and needed to head there for a certain time!

Had an awesome day eating & drinking & catching up!! The friend I was with is one of those friends who I’ve known forever but if we don’t speak for months on end it doesn’t matter and we just pick up from where we left off!!

Then there was a bit of an emergency, inadvertently I’d managed to trigger an emergency message to a friend who then started to call the police, thankfully I made contact before it escalated into something more serious and we had a bit of a laugh about it once we spoke on the phone!! It’s reassuring to know these systems are in place even if I didn’t realised I’d activated them!!

Friday 19th November 2021

Another day and another teary drive home, this time set off by an Adele song. Then I look out of the car window and spot the full moon and it all makes sense, the older I get the more I realise that I am affected by the moon cycles. Around the full moon, my emotions are all over the place like they have been this week!

Overall, I have had a good week, yes some low moments but daily I count my blessings of all the things that are going right.

I had planned to go to the gym this morning, I woke up shattered, I fed the cat and came back to bed and slept for nearly 2 more hours! This week I’ve been taking my nutritional supplements to try to feel less tired, not sure they are really working!!

Just another month to go before I can have a proper rest and try to regain some energy. I’m not one for wishing the days away as I do my best to live in the moment end enjoy each day as it comes, however, right now I can’t wait for a day where I can just be lead by my body and it’s needs rather than a clock!

Thursday 18th November 2021

Yay, for the first in a while I haven’t cried today! Well, there still is time… :0)

Started off with a workout, today was intervals and I was paired with a lovely guy called Tom! At one point in the workout I suggested that there should be an easier workout for us oldies (I hasten to add, I know I’m not old in any way, shape, or form but when you are working out with people in their 20s then you do feel your age somewhat!), he joked that we didn’t need that and that I wasn’t as old as him, subsequently, I asked his age and he said 37 and then I disclosed that I was 44, he was really shocked as he thought that I was in my early 30s (I was very flattered by this!!), and went on to say that I’ve must have had an easy life!! I haven’t (don’t think anyone does really) however, what I do have is good nutrition and diet and have done for most of my life and especially in the last 13 years since qualifying as a nutritionist.

For the most part, my diet is on point, I make a real conscious effort to feed my body with good food, packed with nutrients and with lots of variety so that I give my body what it needs to do its job well – keeping me alive and well!!

I often forget that I’m lucky to have all this knowledge in my head and probably take it for granted that I know what I’m doing in the kitchen around food and what to eat.

Once back from the workout, I got ready to deliver a guest lecture for one of my colleagues about workplace culture and wellbeing to their group of students – I spent hours yesterday writing my presentation and it went down really well, the feedback I got was fantastic – a good reminder that I am actually very good at what I do and to push myself more to put that out there for more people to benefit.

I screenshot all the positive comments to save for the days I’m not feeling so confident and need a boost.

So today – I know I fucking smashed it!! I’m not great at celebrating my successes but today I will as I did a great job!!