So this month as with every other month this year it would seem that it whizzed by and before I knew it, it was December.
I have to admit that I’ve run through what to write in this blog 10s of times in the last few days as writing down stuff really brings it home sometimes.
As you will know for several months I’ve had a dilemma about what my future might look like, this came to a head during November when a long-standing client was late at paying an invoice which created a whole of stress for me, many tears were shed and I realised that for quite a long time (I’m probably talking years) that as much as I love what I do when I’m doing it, all the other stuff that I need to do to get to do what I love to do is really wearing me down and that something has to give! Ultimately if I’m honest with myself I’m not very happy with my life, I really am just surviving, getting through each day but not really seeing any joy in it. I’m in survival mode.
I’m an eternal optimist and often those rose-tinted glasses are on and I see the possibilities and opportunities and not honest with myself about the state of my life and the way I’m living is having an effect on my health (both physical & mental), my relationships and so many more things.
Something has to change as I’m not willing to carry on as I am for any longer, with the year ending and not only a new one starting but also a new decade it’s time to make a tough decision and make some big changes.
I’ve decided to step away from the business (it will carry on in some form) and look for paid employment so that I can help more people with what I do from inside an organisation.
This decision has been so hard to make and even as I type this I have tears streaming down my face, I know it’s right decision for now as I need some financial stability to help me regain some normality in my life and just to start living again.
There I’ve said it…
Lincolnshiregirl 