March felt like I was just about clinging onto life and just able to keep all the balls I juggle in the air. The the beginning of the months, I yet again found myself counting down the days until I had a period of annual leave/days off. Doing this has never felt comfortable to me as it feels like you are wishing your life away, however, in the last few years I just feeling like I’m literally just clinging on some days…
I was still feeling a bit lost without Sophiecat at home, the house just feels so much quieter without her.
As some of you will know that my knee has been causing me issues for months, if not years and finally in March I had a breakthrough with it, I managed to get an appointment with a consultant who told me that I’d torn the cartilage in my right knee and the best course of action was surgery, within a week of that appointment I had an MRI scan to confirm the consultant’s diagnosis. I then had two choices – go on the NHS waiting list (6-8 months wait) or pay for the operation myself (Less than a month’s wait).
Having looked at my financial situation/credit score, I decided to self-pay by putting it on my credit card and suck up the extra expense each month until that credit card is paid off!! I personally don’t think you can put a price on health and for over 2 years I’ve not really been able to exercise consistently as my knee has been too painful. Not exercising has been really challenging for me over the past couple of years as it not only helps me manage my weight & health but mentally it gives me the breathing space I need to function well in life. Therefore, I was willing to make some other sacrifices to allow me to afford this surgery and hopefully back to exercising regularly.
As soon as I had made the decision to have the operation, a date was set ((Good) Friday 7th April) and it was full steam ahead to get things sorted/in place to allow me time after the operation to recover, many people offered to help me in my recovery (more on that next month).
One evening I went for a walk with a friend and she started telling me about positive intelligence, a process of way to train your brain to work with you (your sages) rather than against you (your saboteurs). Part of the process you fill out a questionnaire to work out which saboteurs have the most influence in your life. There are 10 saboteur, everyone has the judge saboteur but the two that I also scored high in were the Avoider and the Hyper-achiever (this didn’t come as a surprise) but now I was aware of these saboteurs I could use strategies to turn down their voices in my head. So I started to do the training for this and if I’m honest I failed miserably as I allowed my three saboteur to win. More about this in April though as I’m determined to change the way I do things in my life.
While this was all going on, I was still lecturing two days a week as well as running the business which is one of the reasons the above didn’t go as well as it could have but I also know that although I feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail and keep myself busy I know that I need to change as I am running on adrenaline most of the time and this isn’t a good way to live for long-term health. Living like this is now my comfort zone so I know it’s going to take a lot of effort and determination to change.
Another month ticked of the yearly calendar! 3 months down and 9 more to go!!
Lincolnshiregirl 