Wow, what a month!! The first two weeks are a complete blur of prepping for two major events in one week!!
Not something I would usually choose to do but when an old client contacts you out the blue to say that the training you did for them two years was amazing and now they’ve moved to a new company and want you to come and do the magic again it’s hard to refuse even if it means you digging deep into your energy stores to make it happen!!
I did it (with help from a few people too)!! Both events smashed out of the park with feedback being super positive and complimentary and I couldn’t have been happier about how both events went. However, this has taken a massive toll on me both physically and mentally.
So I can officially say that I ran a conference on Workplace health and wellbeing with 70 attendees and also a team development event for 96 people who were totally buzzing at the end of it!! Two things to tick off the very long list of things I want to achieve in my business!! Does anyone else have a little book where they write all their hopes and dreams for the business? I usually write them in there and forget about it and then occasionally I’ll look through and unbeknown to me I’ve often achieved a couple of them!! I’m very much a believer that if you put something out into the world then the world (universe) will conspire in your favour to help you achieve it!!
The weekend after the big week I was broken emotionally with many tears flowing and yes most of these were happy proud tears that I managed to pull both events off without too many hitches but they were also tinged with sadness that it was over and I had a feeling of emptiness & where do I go from here?
For the last year or so the conference has dominated my mind, it’s been an emotional journey which if I’m honest when I wrote last month’s post wasn’t sure if it was going to come off as I wanted it so for it all to be done and dusted is hard to take.
The following week my body went into meltdown and my back was incredibly sore with me in constant pain no matter what position I stood or sat in. I totally believe that this was the emotions of the last few months coming out as physical pain. I know the last few months have been super stressful and I’ve probably unconsciously been holding tension in my body and once both events were over I relaxed and let go of this tension. I know that I didn’t do anything to cause my back to go and it has been an emotional release, thankfully with a bit of acupuncture and being kind to myself it’s getting better, a few niggles when I move too much but nothing like it was.
The last two weeks of May have also been a bit of a blur in a very different way, sitting back at my desk on the Monday after the big week just felt weird with a sense of what do I do now… having put all my energy into these two events I soon realised that every other bit of my business had been dropped and I was now playing catch up with all my coaching clients and nutrition work and getting back into normality of running a business and that sense of letting people down crept back in!! So I’m working hard now to right this and deliver the level service I expect of myself!
And so my mind now turns to what next… well to start with I’m doing this 5km open water swim in Lake Windermere on the 9th June and quite frankly I’m bricking it!! I’ve done nowhere near enough training for it and got a rather busy week coming up including another overnight trip down to Reading to do more team development training with the same company before this time it’s the HR department I’m working with which could potentially lead to more work so again an opportunity not to turn down… as well as few other things in the diary too!! When I set myself these physical challenges it always feels like bad timing as the week before the event is never an easy one!!
I know deep down that I’m sure I’ll complete the swim as you’ll probably realise by now that I always do achieve the things I set out to do but the last month has really knocked me in a way I didn’t expect as the words that have come into my head quite a lot are:
“When will I ever feel like I’m good enough?!” For some reason, I seem to constantly push myself to breaking point trying to prove to the world, well probably to myself that I am good enough!! And I’m not quite sure how to stop this!!
Even as I type this I’m wondering where next… do I run another conference next year? What goals and ambitions do I want the business to achieve in the coming year? Where will I get work from to pay the mortgage this month? That constant need to find new work is draining and right now I’m pretty empty both physically and mentally yet stopping just feel so hard!! I have little to distract me from my own thoughts!
Going back to the post about being single, I finally took the plunge using gin and prosecco as Dutch courage to register on a dating website, I couldn’t find any more excuses not to so I’ll keep you posted about how I get on, it’s early days and still finding my feet with the way these things work and the dynamics of it all… this will be an interesting journey, more on that next months.
So, for now, it’s full throttle ahead for another week but who knows what June will bring.