July – Disconnected

July has really been a bit of a blur, I’ve felt quite disconnected from the world. Just going through the motions of everyday life! From the outside world, it would seem everything is normal but from my perspective, I’ve just not been really present emotionally.

Halfway through the month I was informed that the retained work I’ve been doing for the last 18 months was coming to a conclusion at the end of July, even though I knew this would happen as was notified in January that the projected was finishing this year, this news still sent me into a tailspin of panic and fear.

As much as I knew this was coming, I’ve been busy just getting through each day/week/month and delivering the work I’ve got on now and always pushing the business development work to the bottom of the to-do list.

The challenge I have with business development is not really knowing where to go next with the business, I have so many skills and opportunities that potentially could help grow the business and make it more sustainable but not sure where to start, to help me with this I’ve engaged with a coach to help give me some guidance! This was a tough decision as at present I don’t have the finances to cover the cost of the coach but without it, I don’t think I can get to where I want to be, it’s that classic chicken/egg situation. I have a clear vision of where I want the business to be in the future I just at a loss as to how to get there…

I realised that last month (June) I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so many things, the language I use with myself is that I NEED to do this and then I NEED to do that, this added to all the other things we have to do just to live and maintain a life. It dawned on me that the word NEED is not a positive one as it feels like I’m being told (by my internal self) that it’s essential I do it and then this becomes a chore as it’s like I don’t have a choice!! Of course, I have a choice and that I should be kinder to myself – something that doesn’t come naturally to me.

July was my birthday month, I turned 42!! In recent years I’ve found my birthday quite hard, I find it incredibly emotional and this year was no different – I got through the day with a few tears!!

Having acknowledged and accepted these feelings I am now at a stage to process them and turn them into positives as I do believe that all challenges in life are there as lessons for us to learn and change for the better…

 

Published by lincolnshiregirl

I'm 40 something gal living in the beautiful county of Lincolnshire, England. I run my own business which is a rollercoaster of good times and bad times but it is what makes life interesting. I'm a self-confessed foodie, which some people might think is bordering an obsession, but a good obsession I would say. I am a fully qualified food technologist, nutritionist and personal trainer and use my skills and knowledge to keep striving to better myself in all areas of my life. Despite being dyslexic I love reading both fiction and non-fiction books and usually have four or five on the go at any one time. I enjoy keeping myself fit and healthy by regular visits to the gym as well as enjoying open water swimming and sometimes I'm brave enough to swim without a wetsuit. This blog is all about my life and adventures.

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