July has really been a bit of a blur, I’ve felt quite disconnected from the world. Just going through the motions of everyday life! From the outside world, it would seem everything is normal but from my perspective, I’ve just not been really present emotionally.
Halfway through the month I was informed that the retained work I’ve been doing for the last 18 months was coming to a conclusion at the end of July, even though I knew this would happen as was notified in January that the projected was finishing this year, this news still sent me into a tailspin of panic and fear.
As much as I knew this was coming, I’ve been busy just getting through each day/week/month and delivering the work I’ve got on now and always pushing the business development work to the bottom of the to-do list.
The challenge I have with business development is not really knowing where to go next with the business, I have so many skills and opportunities that potentially could help grow the business and make it more sustainable but not sure where to start, to help me with this I’ve engaged with a coach to help give me some guidance! This was a tough decision as at present I don’t have the finances to cover the cost of the coach but without it, I don’t think I can get to where I want to be, it’s that classic chicken/egg situation. I have a clear vision of where I want the business to be in the future I just at a loss as to how to get there…
I realised that last month (June) I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so many things, the language I use with myself is that I NEED to do this and then I NEED to do that, this added to all the other things we have to do just to live and maintain a life. It dawned on me that the word NEED is not a positive one as it feels like I’m being told (by my internal self) that it’s essential I do it and then this becomes a chore as it’s like I don’t have a choice!! Of course, I have a choice and that I should be kinder to myself – something that doesn’t come naturally to me.
July was my birthday month, I turned 42!! In recent years I’ve found my birthday quite hard, I find it incredibly emotional and this year was no different – I got through the day with a few tears!!
Having acknowledged and accepted these feelings I am now at a stage to process them and turn them into positives as I do believe that all challenges in life are there as lessons for us to learn and change for the better…