August – Lifting Fog

So the start of the month continued in the same vein as July with feeling pretty down/sad and in a way defeated.

My situation hasn’t really changed much and not really sure where the month has gone, I’ve had some dark days where just doing life has been a challenge when I’ve been out in public I’ve put on a brave face and smiled but inside I was a state. The tears have flowed almost every day with me wishing the day away just so the next one would start in the hope of feeling a bit more connected and/or motivated to do what I need to do to get out of this challenging period.

This month I’ve escaped into books to try to find some answers to the questions buzzing around in my head. Three books have been read which all came as recommendations.

The Salt Path – Raynor Winn

Raynor tells of what happened when she and her husband lost their home and livelihood as well as her husband getting a terminal diagnosis and how they responded by walking the South West Coastal Path, wild camp and the lessons it brought.

Set Free – Emma Slade

Set Free is all about how Emma changed her life completely after being part of a hostage situation while working in banking and turning to Buddhism and setting up a charity to support people in Bhutan.

Cave in the Snow – Vicki MacKenzie

Cave in the Snow tells the story of Tenzin Palmo an Englishwoman who spent 12 years alone in a cave high in the Himalayas to achieve spiritual enlightenment.

What all three books have taught me is that through adversity you CAN triumph, that you don’t have to follow the normal paths set out for you and with every difficult time, lessons can be learned if you are willing to hear/see them and change accordingly!! I appear good at seeing the lessons life is teaching me but not so good at actually changing anything so that these lessons don’t appear more than once!! In one aspect of my life, a lesson has appeared for the third time and yes now I’m going to take action to ensure it doesn’t appear again!!

Although I was brought up in the Church of England faith I wouldn’t say I was very religious at all and can’t remember the last time I actually went to church. However, I do feel quite spiritual and in recent years have been drawn to the Buddhism faith. The latter two of the books explore some areas of this faith which I found very interesting and as many of you know I have spent time at Samye Ling – Tibetan Buddhist Monastery & Centre for World Peace and Health and Emma Slade actually visited Samye Ling on a number of occasions. The Buddhist teaching makes a lot of sense to me, from what I understand it simply about love and joy and letting go of one’s ego.

In recent months I know I’ve not found much joy in my life and focused on all the things that I’m struggling with, these books were a timely reminder that if we seek out joy in the small things then it will grow bigger and bigger.

Love is another interesting thing too!! A very good friend reminded me that embracing love in all its forms which includes self-love will simply bring more love into your life. Self-love is a work in progress for me as I know it is for many people as we tend to put others before ourselves, however, I’m making a real effort to see acts of love around me even if they are small and thanking the universe/people for that love.

At the beginning of the month, Firecracker turned eight years old and I find that whenever I hit milestones I reflect on the times past and the future. As this milestone has come at a time where life feels tough I really had a good look at my situation to see if it’s something I want to continue with, this is still an on-going conversation I’m having with myself & others. As much as I love what I do as a business I have to remember it is just a part of my whole life and that living a life is just as important (I forget this regularly & allow the business to become all-consuming). In recent months I don’t feel I’ve done much living, I’ve shyed away from social situations, not done much exercise & just existed so time to change this!

The last few days of August were a lot brighter and I started to feel more like my old self again and able to take on the world, not sure what has triggered this but I’m happy to ride it for now and do what I can do to make changes to give long term results.

We’re now into the last third of 2019 and I wonder what it will bring…

 

Published by lincolnshiregirl

I'm 40 something gal living in the beautiful county of Lincolnshire, England. I run my own business which is a rollercoaster of good times and bad times but it is what makes life interesting. I'm a self-confessed foodie, which some people might think is bordering an obsession, but a good obsession I would say. I am a fully qualified food technologist, nutritionist and personal trainer and use my skills and knowledge to keep striving to better myself in all areas of my life. Despite being dyslexic I love reading both fiction and non-fiction books and usually have four or five on the go at any one time. I enjoy keeping myself fit and healthy by regular visits to the gym as well as enjoying open water swimming and sometimes I'm brave enough to swim without a wetsuit. This blog is all about my life and adventures.

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