Sept – Head/Heart Dilemma

Well, that’s another month done and can’t believe how quickly this year seems to have gone by.

With renewed energy and optimism Sept started well. On the 2nd Sept I started a challenge called challenge120 as I noticed that it marked 120 days until the end of the year and really wanted to commit to making some changes, the two main things I committed to myself daily was to do at least 30 minutes of activity each day and 10 minutes of meditation.

The exercise bit has gone well with me completing this target every day so far with a mixture of CrossFit, swimming (both pool & open water), intervals and walking. I’m really enjoying the motivation this has challenge has given me to make sure I fit this into my day, at times it’s hard but with a bit of will you can make it work.

The meditation target hasn’t gone so well!! I started off well and managed to do 10 days in a row (a record for me) and then I had a few manic days and just lost the momentum to do it. This is a lame excuse really as how could finding 10 minutes in my day to just sit and be still be so hard?!?

That internal dialogue I’ve been having for the last few months about my professional future rumbles on and now sits as a dilemma I need to face head-on and deal with. The struggle I have is that my heart/gut are saying one thing and my head is saying something else & I really don’t know what to do for the best.

I had a stark reminder that life is too short this month with a few very close friends telling me that they’ve not seen me this sad/unhappy for a very long time and I’m a shadow of my former self. Deep down I know this to be true but wasn’t willing to admit to myself, hearing those words from worried friends is hard to take as it breaks my heart. I’m glad they were honest with me and makes this dilemma even more difficult to work out.

For the first time in a very long time I took some proper time off from the business to re-charge and spent some days away with a friend walking in the Norfolk sunshine with her dog, it was just what I needed to get some perspective on my situation.

I also had some mornings with friends catching up over food and some afternoons in front of the telly watching programmes I recorded previously as I seem to record so much than I’ll ever get around to watch so used this time to reduce the number of recordings.

One thing I have done this month is to ask for help, this is not something that comes easily to me but being open and honest with a few trusted people has helped ease the burden I’m carrying at the moment as well as being taken aback by the response I’ve had when I tell people my situation.

The people I’ve spoken to have offered their support in any way possible to help me through these difficult times. When times are tough I tend to become quite insular about stuff but speaking out I’ve realised that many people have been through tough times or are also going through tough times that you are not alone.

There are some glimmers of hope and I’m working hard to make the most of every opportunity I’m given, however, I’m also very aware that I need to be an adult and be realistic about my situation!!

What the future holds is anyone’s guess and whether the head or heart will win, I’ll let you know in a months time…. Until next time, big love.

Rachel xx


Published by lincolnshiregirl

I'm 40 something gal living in the beautiful county of Lincolnshire, England. I run my own business which is a rollercoaster of good times and bad times but it is what makes life interesting. I'm a self-confessed foodie, which some people might think is bordering an obsession, but a good obsession I would say. I am a fully qualified food technologist, nutritionist and personal trainer and use my skills and knowledge to keep striving to better myself in all areas of my life. Despite being dyslexic I love reading both fiction and non-fiction books and usually have four or five on the go at any one time. I enjoy keeping myself fit and healthy by regular visits to the gym as well as enjoying open water swimming and sometimes I'm brave enough to swim without a wetsuit. This blog is all about my life and adventures.

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